Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

He Is The Laundress


You got your watch in the shot.


But, seriously: what’s wrong with you?

“I have a passion for laundry.”

That statement in no way answered my question.

“I don’t understand what your problem with this is.”

Please get a coke problem. It would be so less embarrassing than this.

“I care about laundry!”

You shouldn’t! Grateful Deads have five shirts, four of which have alcohol and/or blood stains on them. When one gets dirty, they yoink another one from the merch table.

“Garcia didn’t wear merch.”

Garcia had fucking spaghetti sauce stains on his pants half the time. An argument involving Garcia is not an argument for laundry.

“I have special, fancy clothes that require special, fancy cleaning products.”

Please get a coke problem.


Schnort for your schnozz.


Nice-nice for your nostrils.


Tootski for your snootski?

Tootski for your snootski.

“Can we stop talking?”

Sure. I just need to show everyone something.

“‘Everyone?’ What are you talking about?”




“I despise you.”


“Fuck off.”

They asked you about your “proudest” laundry victory. Wouldn’t that imply that you’ve had many laundry victories, and some of them were better than others? Like, some of your laundry victories were just eked out?

“I’m gonna go.”

John Mayer, have you ever had any Pyrrhic laundry victories?




  1. Woah, is that real? That piece could’ve passed for a TotD post on its own.

  2. Am I less of a man because I’ve never screwed up washing my wool?

  3. hmmmmz … put the shirt on after I apply deodorant. problem solved … I knew I liked that Myers kid.

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    October 5, 2016 at 11:54 am

    find it hard to believe Burnouts aren’t a Pet Peeve.

    • Luther Von Baconson

      October 5, 2016 at 2:40 pm

      i mean chooglin’, burritos, 52 cheese slices, beers, sharing dubeners, a hot-patch grilled cheese on the fly, or multiple unwashed hands in the Earthroamer galley……bound to happen, no?

  5. so here I was, thinking I could put off doing my laundry for a while by clicking over to TotD and scrolling idly down the page…

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