Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

He Wore White Carnations Tucked Into His Shirt

Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“Being young and handsome.”


“It was tough at first, sure. But, you know, your brain works it out.”

If you say so.

“This Kushner kid has a lot on his plate.”

GodDAMN it, why do you know that?

“Billy’s been using the Time Sheath to join the Alt-Right.”


“He keeps calling Phil a cuck.”

And what does Phil do?

“Stands there wondering what a ‘cuck’ is.”

Why can’t you guys stop routing the internet from the future into your present?

“Well, you know: we’re a traveling band.”

You’re not a time-traveling band.

“Some nights we are.”

Yeah, okay, but only metaphorically.

“And isn’t the Time Sheath really a metaphor?”

No. It’s a working time machine.

“And isn’t time a metaphor?”

Also no.

“What about ‘no?’ Isn’t ‘no’ a metaphor?”

You’ve also been using the Time Sheath to score future doobie, haven’t you?

“It’s a lot better.”

Not the point, Bobby.

“And, you know: vaping. We don’t have that now. It’s an entire mode of phase transition unavailable to our time period. Does that seem fair?”

Yes, it is perfectly fair that people don’t get to have things that haven’t been invented yet.

“But what if those people have Time Sheaths?”

Ah, fuck it. Just try not to be recognized.

“Who would recognize me in 2017? I don’t have a beard.”


1 Comment

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    April 8, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    Lookin’ like he just stepped out of a yurt

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