Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Heaven’s On Fire On The Mountain

“Are you the Colonel?”

“I can’t tell you this again, Mrs. Martin-Godchaux-Rodham-McKay: I am not the Colonel, and I am not Colonel.”

“The Colonel comes by t’ call on my big sister Julep after supper. He’s so tall an’ handsome. We sit on the porch while he tells us stories ’bout Southern heroism. If’n it’s cool, we set in the music room an’ my li’l bother John Wilkes will play f’r us.”


“Minuets an’ whatnot. John Wilkes played so beautifully. We’d later come to find out that it was him the Colonel was comin’ by t’ see.”

“I am not your brother’s gentleman caller.”

“He was also my uncle.”

“Did you grow up in a Faulkner novel?”

“South was diff’rent back then, sugar.”


“F’r example, take my daddy.”

“What was his name?”

“Daddy Jean Godchaux.”

“Nope. Wait. Oh, c’mon. Hey. Hey! The typist!”


“Yes. You used that joke already, but it was ‘Momma Jean Godchaux.'”


“Like, five years ago.”

You weren’t part of this five years ago.

“I went through the archives.”

Oh, that’s sweet.

“You’re as well-known as you deserve to be.”

Oh, that’s hurtful.


But still hurtful.

“And you’re a self-plagiarist. You’re stealing your own bad jokes about the Grateful fucking Dead, man.”

Are you trying to anger me?

“Why? Triggered?”

Don’t do that.


I tried to warn you.


“Oh, please tell me that isn’t–”

“Johnny MAYER! Hell-OHHHHHHHYEAH! Do you know who I am? I SAID…doyouknowwhoIamWOO!? If you know, then LEMMEHEARYA!”

“I didn’t deserve this.”

You totally did.”

“Well, howdy. Who is this bohunk?”

“Stay away from him, Mrs. Donna Jean.”

“My, doesn’t he look Jewish.”

“I truly don’t deserve any of this.”


  1. Barry Shawnstein

    January 25, 2018 at 12:34 am

    Bobby wishes he could pull off Paul Stanley’s look.

  2. I get a little nervous when KISS shows up.

    It makes me think that Thoughts on KISS is about to happen.

    You know Jam Cruise? Well there is also a KISS cruise, for real..

    I mean imagine that…

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