Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

He’s Gandhi

Of all the loathsome, bubble-headed nonsense that circulates on the internet (Such web), few things aggravate my already cranky constitution than “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Yes, I know Gandhi said it–don’t get your panties in a bunch over a guy wearing diapers. A running theme of these blogging is the frailty of men, the weakness of women, and the tastiness of children: the first step towards the birth of a saint is the death of a man. Like certain musical geniuses who bought tin foil in bulk, the Mahatma had a flaw or two. he was notably racist, even for his time, and that’s tough. Everyone from the past was the most racist human being on the planet, in sheer defiance of formalized logic and Godel’s incompleteness theorem. Remember how people used to be named for their jobs, giving us Taylor and Smith and Cooper?

Lynch. Fucking Lynch. Some guys riled up the townsfolk to string people up so frequent, it became his goddamn patronymic.

(Speaking of names, ‘Mahatma’ is, we all know, not Gandhi’s name. Mahatma is a Hindu word that means “Kevin.”)

He also (probably) banged a lot of teenage girls and had ideas about his waste products other than “get it away from me right now.”

Then there was the whole “freeing India non-violently,” but if you want that story, go watch Gandhi, a movie that, because it was made in 1982 and people couldn’t tell each other on the internet how awful they were yet, features a white guy painted brown. The layers of irony in a British guy playing Gandhi go deeper than Schliemann at Troy, or Siffredi at Tory (Lane or Black).

The Mahatma’s dangerous swerve from pacifism to passive-ism, his pussy Stoicism, can be seen is his morally indefensible lay-down to Hitler and in this slightly more innocuous bon mot.“Be the change…” It’s selfish; it fails to take into account the monsters.

We need a slighty more martial version:

Be the change you wish to see in the world, immediately after we find a wall and line the bastards up. Then, when their blood has ruined the soil as their violence and plunder have ruined the world that grew from that soil…then, by all means: be as much change as you want to be. Go nuts with yourself, Sparky. But first, the mass executions.

I’d like to see that written in the sand on Tumbler…




  1. Godwin’s Law.

  2. Whoa chill brother, there’ll be no need to be lining anyone up against any walls please, we’ve had enough of that I think. The Mahatma might not have been the embodyment of human perfection but he might not have been wrong about every single thing either. Perhaps had a point on prefering nonviolence in pursuit of political goals? (Be hating on MLK next?) C’mon, a little good-natured dickpunching is one thing, but all out Game of Thrones style soil-ruining ultraviolence, is that really gonna be necessary?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.