An open letter to David Le-Soundafrenchcowmakes:

Why do you refuse to examine the evidence we have presented on Billy’s role in the as-yet-unsolved 1990 art heist at Boston’s Erle Stanley Gardner Museum? What do you make of the fact that the security guards were all taken out by being punched in the dicks with “uncanny precision and pleasant professionalism.” And that quote is from legal depositions, real AMERICAN legal depositions, you dollar-coin accepting socialist, not what passes for law in Canada, where two trees are planted in a grove with ‘guilty’ painted on one and ‘innocent’ on the other, and a family of specially trained and licensed Law Beavers is released; whichever tree they fell first closes the case. (In your country’s defense, the system is remarkably impervious to bribery.)

Are you finished?

Because it is Canada, the Law Beavers wear those fancy powdered wigs.

How do they get the wigs to stay on?

I KNOW, RIGHT?