Regardless of the rest of the country coming together to smile on their brothers or whatever hippie nonsense is the fashion nowadays, TotD maintains that there are still some things about marijuana that should get you thrown in the hoosegow:

  • Tossing a bale of it onto the highway at night.
  • Sharing it with your pet, except if your dog is “super-chill and totally loves it and shit.”
  • Fucking up the rotation.
  • Compressing a few ounces into a hard, spherical bolus and shoving it down the throat of an enemy to cut off his windpipe.
  • Marijuana-related treason. (I do not know what this would entail, to be honest.)
  • Smuggling it into prisons via your butthole should remain illegal.
  • Using it as an excuse for enjoying Umphrey’s McGee.
  • Still being sneaky about looking at High Times at the newsstand.
  • Still looking at High Times.
  • Explaining the genetics, history, or pedigree of a particular strain of doobie. Solitary confinement for using the words “allele,” “small-batch,” or “terroir.”
  • Anyone who has graduated from high school describing how they are using a scale of 1-10 will be imprisoned in a foreign jail.
  • Anyone who has graduated from college and still steals lighters will be imprisoned in an unbelivably foreign jail. Just the most foreign jail we can find.

Buying, selling, possessing, and consuming it did not make the list.