Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Highlights From The RNC That Didn’t Make The List

rnc highlights

  • Puma deliberately released into women’s bathroom at arena.
  • A former and future porn star called Hitler “inspiring.”
  • Candidate’s daughter Snapchatted her speech to only 79 likes.
  • A senator appeared in blackface.
  • The keynote speaker, a Baptist minister, ended his speech by viciously penetrating a watermelon with a Hillary Clinton mask on. (First he was wearing the mask, and then he placed it on the watermelon.)
  • A game show host called Bill Clinton an “illegal.”
  • Two Real Housewives engaged in a catfight onstage while a neurosurgeon with a visible hard-on watched.
  • Benediction contained the phrase “Lord, please strike that no-good bitch down.”
  • Norovirus outbreak.
  • Temple of the Dog reunited.
  • Owner of a sports franchise described in detail his cunnilingus technique.
  • Delegates from Wyoming ate the delegates from Iowa.
  • Big city sheriff accused Black Lives Matter as being “the Detroit chapter of the Nazi Party” and received a standing ovation.
  • Random Teamster allowed to speak on the topic of Puerto Ricans and their laziness.
  • The reanimated corpse of a Benghazi rampaged through the hall.
  • Candidate’s son shot the puma that had been released into the women’s bathroom of the arena.


  1. Luther Von Baconson

    July 21, 2016 at 10:54 am

    My Wild Night with the RNC’s Openly Gay Underground. Wait, Did I Say ‘Wild’? I Meant HORRIBLE.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.