Benjy Eisen’s responsibilities.

  • Author.
  • Manager.
  • Assistant.
  • BFF. (Billy’s Friend Forever.)
  • Sandwich crust remover.
  • Benjy also blows on Billy’s soup if it is too hot.
  • Although, sometimes Billy punches Benjy because the soup is too hot.
  • Maker of phone calls.
  • Maker-upper of excuses as to why Billy can’t come to the phone.
  • Trilby procurer.
  • Bagman.
  • When the picture of Phil on Billy’s dartboard gets too full of holes, Benjy makes a new one and tacks it up.
  • Guy who waits on the boat.
  • Occasional drunken tugger.
  • Explainer of Instagram.
  • Falconer.
  • Gimp.
  • Human pocket. (Billy’s pretty much using Benjy as a walking fanny pack on the book tour.)
  • Drug buddy.
  • Orgy buddy.
  • Road trip buddy. (In July, Billy and Benjy are renting a Dodge Challenger and hitting all the big roller coasters in the Midwest.)
  • If Billy does too many lines and his nose is all fucked up, but he wants to keep doing cocaine, Benjy will blow it up his butt, Stevie Nicks-style. (Billy has to shower up real good beforehand, though: Benjy put his foot down.)
  • Nomenklatura.
  • Governess to Justin, who keeps insisting that Nixon was president when he was born, and therefore does not need a governess, but Benjy keeps trying to make him do his Latin homework.
  • The government has Billy’s DNA on record (long story,) so when Billy wants to leave a bag of flaming doody on Phil’s doorstep, Benjy makes the doody.
  • Carries the box of books, if the box of books needs carrying.
  • Carries Billy, if Billy needs carrying.
  • Pretends to be Mickey for Billy’s weird psycho-fetish bullshit.
  • Waxes Billy’s surfboard. (Not a euphemism.)
  • Waxes Billy’s surfboard. (Euphemism.)
  • Starts off as an off-kilter house painter, but becomes a nanny and then maybe hooked up with Candace Bergen in the last episodes?
  • Robin. (Billy has pounds of shrooms, a Batman cowl, and long afternoons to kill: someone will end up being Robin.)
  • Sancho Panza.