“Oh, hey. How are you? Water’s nice. Come on in.”
I know this trick. Killer whale tried it on me a few times.
“Trick? No trick. Fine: don’t swim. Why don’t you take a relaxing paddle in a canoe?”
“I’m fooling with you.”
“No, I would eat you.”
I thought hippos were vegetarians.
“Territorial vegetarians. If I could work a gun, I’d shoot ya. Can’t. Gotta eat ya.”
Listen, hippo: if anyone’s eating anyone, then I’m eating you. You have the person/animal power dynamic backwards. You are a captive of humans.
“Captive shmaptive: I’m standing in a pool of water getting the right amount of food. This is heaven for a hippo.”
You don’t yearn for freedom?
“Holy shit, do I not understand that sentence. I’m standing in a pool of water getting the right amount of food. I win. There’s nothing more to aspire to for a hippo.”
Are we friends now?
“Sure. But if you come anywhere near me, I’ll eat you.”