Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Hot Wheels Are Turning And They Can’t Slow Down

IMG_3794

From the Bottomless Pit of Grateful Dead Merch That Doesn’t Quite Make Sense comes this: Hot Wheels. (Bottomless Pit of Merch is cousins with Garcia’s Briefcase; they do not speak.) This isn’t a custom job with a Photoshopped card, either: Hot Wheels made a whole set of these in 2014 and I wouldn’t be averse to putting them on my shelf.

hot wheels set

As far as acceptable iconography, the set is five for six: much heavier on the skeletons than those fucking bears, and that is a good thing. The vehicle choices, though, are either obvious or perplexing.

[PDF] Hot Wheels Grateful Dead

The Baja Buggy is a winner down to the summer day-paint scheme and shark-fin intake nozzle. And you would feel cheated if there weren’t at least one VW Microbus; the one on the right is a “dragster” which is actually a thing, except it’s more of welding a ‘bus onto the front of a drag car than it is a “Microbus dragster. Here:

[PDF] VW Bus Dragster - VW

God bless America?

Then there are the other three toys, which confuse me.

hot wheels trucks

The brown thing is a “dairy delivery” truck, and you do not want to drink that milk. Either there is acid in it or there is Billy in it. Do not tolerate lactose from the Grateful Dead milkman. The green nightmare is some bullshit Hot Wheels dreamed up that’s not based on a real car, so what the fuck?

The emergency truck, on the other hand, is loosely based on the fire crew that services the Haight, Station 12, though they haven’t taken the branding quite so far:

haight firetruck stealie
That’s okay: a tribute to the neighborhood’s heritage; it’s tasteful and playful. Still a trustworthy truck.

On the other hand–

[PDF] Rescue Ranger - Hot Wheels

–if this truck shows up after you are in a terrible accident, you should wait for the next one. The first reponders assigned to this truck have used all the narcotics they were issued.

1 Comment

  1. Do not tolerate lactose from the Grateful Dead milkman. – That is some funny shit.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*