“For example, there was that time in Houston. Mickey had “remembered the Alamo” in the hotel’s elevator, so we got thrown out of the joint. Turns out the Alamo’s in Dallas, anyway.
“And Milwaukee. We weren’t banned from a hotel in Milwaukee, we were banned from hotels: the City Council had enacted legislation that made it a felony–and I’m quoting–“to provide comfort, aid, or tuggers to any and all Grateful Deads, including TC.” Did everyone say ‘hi’ to TC? he’s say ‘hi’ back, but he got a nice, long talk about microphone privileges before we got up here.
“We couldn’t even get in the Riot House in Los Angeles. We showed up and they were all, ‘Sorry, not sorry,” and we were all, ‘But we’re rock stars; this is a rock star hotel,” and they were all, “You’re not the right kind of rock stars,” and that hurt because it was true. Phil cried and said he didn’t want to stay there anyway, stupid hotel.
“Brent was allergic to Ramada Inns. True story.
“Once we stayed in a great place in Florida with all these alligators right outside our window. There was also this horrible place in Maryland with all these alligators right outside our rooms, because Mickey had brought alligators to Maryland and then set them loose. Mickey was kind of a Situationist, if you wanna get all grad school about it.
“Much better now, though: we’re actually staying at a Five Seasons tonight. It’s like the Four Seasons, but it’s really nice. You don’t have to pay-per-view. You just view. Also, you need to have sold out a football stadium to get in: most of the time, it’s just Joe Montana, the Pope, and us. I would recommend it, but the whole point is that people like you can’t get in.
“Thank you, and God Bless America.”