Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

How Will I Die Terribly Today?

Depends on where you are, Enthusiasts. Let’s break it down by location.*

Guam – Nuclear holocaust.

West Coast – Also nuclear holocaust, plus fires and mudslides and tech bros.

Florida – Alligator, hurricane, neighbor.

North Carolina/Texas – Eaten in a bathroom by a transgendered person.

Appalachian Valley – Opiates, probably.

Philippines – Someone called you a drug dealer.

Large east-west swath cutting across America – Eyes burned out by eclipse, you wander onto 1-40 where you’re run over by Mark Zuckerberg on his listening tour.


*No matter their locale, black people should remember to be afraid of the police.


  1. NYC – population 8 million. 8 million ways to die.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    August 9, 2017 at 11:02 am

    hmmmm….a quick death brought on by a lunatic or a slow, drawn out demise by a an moron who is also a lunatic. let me think about this.

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