Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Huggy, Bear

“Get in here.”

“Nice to see you, too, Phil.”

“There is no Phil. I’m the Hugmonster.”


“You’re so warm.”

“Thank you.”

“Hold me tighter.”

“This is odd.”

“Squeeze, man. Squeeze me like I’m Temple Grandin.”

“I’d like this to stop.”

“We’ll be buried like this, Warren. This hug will last for eternity.”


“You okay, Phil?”

“I’m good. The doctors recalibrate my pills every six months or so. Makes me a bit loopy. Why are you still awake? Shouldn’t you be hibernating until next festival season?”

“Got some October gigs, so I couldn’t until late. Pain in the ass. I’m gonna wake up groggy in May.”

“What does your family do while you’re asleep? They gotta tip-toe around?”

“Nah, course not. I got a chamber.”

“A chamber?”

“Built below the basement. I call it the Warren.”

“I see what you did.”

“Nice and cool. Full of real soft branches and pine needles. Got a humidifier.”

“Uh-huh. And do you sleep straight through?”

“I get up once in a while.”

“To piss?”

“To solo. I don’t piss while I hibernate. My kidneys operate at peak efficiency. My whole physiology changes, matter of fact.”

“Like a sled dog when it runs.”

“Yeah. Doctors got no idea how it works.”

“Wow. You wanna hug some more?”

“Not really.”

“We’re gonna.”



  1. Meryl Shakedown Streep

    November 1, 2017 at 10:52 pm

    I’m going to start using “Squeeze me like I’m Temple Grandin” as a pick up line. Thanks!

  2. That Chick (yeah I said Chick) in the Moccasin Boots is like WTF?

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