Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

I Ain’t No Sneaker Boy (I’m Fierce)

First off: did you know there are people worse than watch guys, or cork dorks, or foodies, or CrossFitters? Sneaker Boys, sucker.

The Sneaker Boys’ hero is Turtle from Entourage, so that should say something. Actual grown-up men don’t care about their tennis shoes: they try on one, make their decision, put the other one on, and ask the cashier to throw away the pair the came in with.

Sneaker Boys have gold chains, and they wear them outside their t-shirts, which are ironed and cost them $80 because some foreign homosexual who’s friends with a rapper sells it.

Sneaker Boys are all Asian guys into hip-hop, or fat guys with beards.

Sneaker Boys put genuine authentic ceder shoe trees in their sneakers, like they were actual shoes made of leather by a tiny Italian man in a dusty Manhattan shop that cost two grand, instead of some heat-molded plastic assembled by a Chinese child slave.

Save us from all these choices; remove these layers of variety; leave just the generic for me.


  1. #notallsneakerboys
    #notallmen #meninism #MRA #fedoras #MLPmlg #getbacktothekitchen

  2. Whatever about who buys this shit… What’s worse is to realize that the Dead (praise the almighty) powers-that-be have to approve this.

    Is this is Their (praise the almighty) response to your (our) opinion on open-toed-deadwear? If so, then the message is not being heard.

    WTF is going on? Surely this is a sign
    of the end-of-days. I shall continue to shelter myself in the glorious past and pretend that none of this is happening.

    Please excuse me, i think i’m gonna throw up.

  3. Ima rip des sneakas off da feet of enyboda I see wearin em den I goon slap dey parents in da hed fo buyin em. Sum dum azz shet rite dere!!

  4. “You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could, and before you knew what you had, you patented it, packages it, slapped in on a plastic lunch box, and now you want to sell it.” Dr Malcolm

    FWIW, Jurassic Park didn’t end well either.

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