bobby really short shorts

Bobby’s shorts are so short they…

  • Can’t ride Space Mountain.
  • Teamed up with fellow cops on the edge Strawberry and Cake to catch the Panda Strangler. (They basically just hid in the bushes by the remaining panda and waited, but it was tense.)
  • Jockeyed for a few years after college until that incident in the paddock.
  • Are composed almost entirely of ball sweat and taint crust.
  • I’m just saying: there’s a lot of DNA in those shorts. They might be the single worst piece of evidence to leave behind at a crime scene.
  • Run from their tormentors, bullied by the towering masses, trapped in a world they never made! Pity for the short shorts: innocent cotton they began as, with hopes and dreams. Perhaps they would be a beloved t-shirt. Maybe a comfy sock? But no: the universally derided short short was the destiny for that fabric–the comb over of pants, the Nickelback of trousers. Not just a joke, an easy joke. Say a prayer for the short shorts.
  • Work in show biz.
  • Can’t be seen from space.
  • Once went to a fancy restaurant and the guy at the door was all “We don’t serve short shorts,” and Short Shorts found out which car the guy owned and keyed a swastika into the door, which was way over the line. Not cool, Short Shorts. Didn’t have to take it there.
  • Were rejected by every other shopper who saw them at the store, most likely for “being too short.”