Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

I’d Walk A Mile On A Camel

Hey, how’s it going?

“Me, man?”

Not you, Garcia.

“Are you talking to me? Because I have a great story about Coach Wooden and the difference between lava and magma.”

Not you, either, Bill Walton.


Not you, camel.

“Is me?”

Yeah. How you doing?

“Okay, mister.”

What’s your name?


Howdy. I’m TotD.

“TotD? Is not name.”

It’s a nom de plume.


A pen name.


You’re just saying “okay” and smiling, aren’t you?


Awesome. So, what’s the deal with this? You lead tourists around for a living?

“Naam. White people come. Put on camel. Walk around. White people down. Eat. Very exciting them.”

You like your job?

“Is a living.”


“Most money on side.”

What do you mean?



“Beard man and friends good customers.”

I bet.

“Who they?”

The Grateful Dead. They’re a band from California. You know what California is.

“Jews and whores on beach.”

Yeah, that’s it. They play choogly music.

“Please. What is jooooguhl?”


“I no can say. Move past.”


“Why band in Egypt?”

Because the pyramids are sacred and geomantic power and ley lines and secret histories and the Illuminati.

“Is white bullshit?”


“Okay. Why is mustache man punch camel in dick?”

Oh, that’s Billy. He does that.

“Camel get mad.”

I would imagine.


  1. Please note: In 1969, the Grateful Dead were supposed to appear in a movie, playing a gang of outlaws. In order to do it, however, they had to learn to ride horses. So they did that at Mickey’s ranch. One of the horses kicked Garcia, however–could a Time Sheath have been involved?–and Garcia said, nahh, and the Dead dropped out of the movie (this was in Rosie McGee’s book).

    Yet here he his riding a camel. If only the film producers had known they could have put Jerry on a camel…

    For those keeping score at home, the movie finally came out as “Zachariah.” Country Joe and The Fish were the gang of outlaws, just another Bay Area band filling in when one of their brethren couldn’t make the gig. You can google the movie for the rest of the story, but despite the cast list (Don Johnson, James Gang, Elvin Jones) I would not actually recommend watching it.

  2. Is good psychedelic Western. A bit campy though. Yes.

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    December 9, 2017 at 10:12 am

    Everyone was pretty well toasted after that camel ride. I am not sure if being toasted before helped or not?

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