Hey, iguana. Whatcha doing?
“Crossing the road.”
My God, it’s happening.
“You’re thinking about chickens.”
“There’s a lake over there. Probably a lot of bugs.”
I am impressed that you’re in the crosswalk.
“I’m a reptile, not an asshole.”
Sure. Listen: any chance I could pick you up and carry you where you wanna go?
“No, I would skitter away.”
You seem so reasonable, though.
“Right, but still: reptile. Reptiles skitter away.”
What if I made friendly noises?
Ah, well. Good luck, man.