Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

I’ll Roll Up My Shirt-Sleeves And Take My Best Shot

Possible T-Shirt Ideas: a draft.

If it’s a draft, then why are you bothering the nice people with it?

You and I both know there’s gonna be a half-decent dick joke or two in here.

Your threshold of quality is industry-leading.

Well: hey, man. Hey. Whoa. Hey.


I have no argument: I just need you to stop being mean to me.

When the student is not wrong, then the student is not beaten.

You’re not a Buddhist.

My participation in an ethos has nothing to do with my acceptance of said ethos. I’m not really a joiner.

May I get on with it?

Try not to strain yourself.

Before I so rudely interrupted myself, I was saying – T-Shirt Ideas:

  • TotD logo. (I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it.)
  • TotD logo with a clever and pithy piece of writing, most probably containing the phrase “semi-defunct choogly-type band.”
  • (Wait: a t-shirt with “Grateful Dead /ˈgrāt-fəl ded/ proper noun – A semi-defunct choogly-type band.” would be awesome and I would buy that. Okay, someone remember that.)
  • Plain black and I’ll say it’s in honor of Garcia.
  • Oh, they did that?
  • In their defense, it came with a remastered Jerry Band show from ’81 with Phil on bass.
  • But still.
  • Snake T-shirt.
  • Madonna shirt.
  • Shirt made from different fabrics that argues with itself.
  • One of those mesh jobbies that dudes who hung out in parking lots in the 80’s wore, with a peeling applique of chubby 1984 Phil on the front.
  • Pictures of Billy and Mickey, but they’re printed under the armpits so if you have your hands in your pockets, you can walk right through customs; but raise ’em in the air, and everyone will know you don’t care.
  • Promotional shirts from Little Aleppo: Creepy Ernie’s, Big-Dicked Sheila, those other stores I lost interest in quickly. (Good Idea #2.)
  • Wall of Sound 2016. (Good Idea #3, but I gotta get on that pretty quickly.)
  • Shitty tour shirt from a shitty tour in a shitty year, but it costs $420.
  • What if the garment were made from spaghetti and meatballs, so if a survival situation broke out, you could eat it?
  • What if the shirt were trousers?
  • What kind of things could I say about Jeff Chimenti on a t-shirt before the authorities got involved?
  • There’s a glut of Garcia merch, but not much Vince stuff; maybe that’s a niche I could exploit.
  • Speaking of Garcia, how about a shot of him with “Harry Mendoza Forever” in a cool, retro, hippy font underneath?
  • Fuck it: Harry Mendoza is Good Idea #4.
  • I did not expect my ideas to be so good that they would need to be capitalized, but there you have it.
  • Magic Eye print, which forces people to stare at your chest for a long time. (This is for perverts, but perverts are people, too, and I’ll sell them bullshit if they want to buy it.)
  • Precarious Lee will make his debut, I would assume. (Good Idea #5.)
  • I’m not sure whether technology has gotten here yet, but I will see if you can put a GIF on a shirt, and if you can:
  • bobby monkey comb
  • With, like, “Weir Here” under it.
  • You’d buy that.
  • You’d buy the fuck out of that.
  • I don’t think you can engiffinate a garment, though, but I’ll google it.
  • There will be no tie-dye, I need to make that crystal clear upfront: you can do what you want with your wardrobe, but I won’t be associated with hippie camouflage.
  • Billy’s face, but his name spelled with only one “n” and you have to find him and wear it in front of him.
  • Group shot of Dead & Co, but Oteil is misidentified as Branford Marsalis. (I’ll sell you this shirt, but you can’t wear it; just buy it and put it right up in the Problem Attic.)
  • Obscure Dead bullshit: Club Front staff shirt, Mickey and the Hartbeats ’68 Tour shirt, Ned Lagin Fan Club shirt, “Lenny Hart is my Accountant” shirt.
  • This:
  • IMG_3649(1)


  1. Club Front staff shirt, Mickey and the Hartbeats ’68 Tour shirt,

    I would wear the fuck out of those, especially the first one. Like, buy two so that I can wear one every day while the other is being washed.

  2. Your ideas are good I look forward to this.

    You have said many worthy things that are worth considering.

    I do not remember them..

    One of them was something like.

    “It is Mickey’s birthday, bang on something longer than anyone else would want you to”

    I block printed some “Brent Rulz” shirts in 1987, extra shirts from some other thing, and just the words Brent Rulz, it sold as many as I could print. 100% percent success. I could only print 5 of them.

    Not sure what that has to do with anything, since Vince was no Brent.

    Benjy with a target on him.

    Trixie, the world needs a Trixie shirt.

    Ask Annabelle to draw something for you, something anything.

    To the shitty shirt from shitty tour, you could do shitty songs, Day Job comes to mind. Bobby and the Midnites come to mind.

    Warning: Deadheads are not always the best at laughing at themselves. My “Your tie dyed t-shirts support rape and torture in central america” t-shirt was not understood to be funny when I wore it to Alpine Valley.

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    March 7, 2016 at 1:44 pm

    black garcia “beard dander/dandruff” shirt?

      • Luther Von Baconson

        March 7, 2016 at 3:24 pm

        i have a couple of autoimmune disorders, so can provide flakes gratis. alternatively, just give me the shirts and i’ll wear them for a week. i.e. eat Chicken/Meatball Parm Subs, hang out at Lukin’s to get that good Pall Mall/Amsterdam Shag odour

  4. NoThoughtsOnDead

    March 7, 2016 at 2:34 pm

    “(Wait: a t-shirt with “Grateful Dead /ˈgrāt-fəl ded/ proper noun – A semi-defunct choogly-type band.” would be awesome and I would buy that. Okay, someone remember that.)”
    I tend to go for too much on a shirt, but a TotD logo on the back, with the “definition” as the only explanation would WORK for me. On the front, as a “breast pocket” decoration (no pocket, just a location) “Club Front Staff” would be the kind of In Joke we all appreciate.

  5. some of the obscure ones could be good. my buddy has a real, vintage Hard Truckers shirt and he wins every Cool Dead Shirt Showdown by a country mile

  6. Luther Von Baconson

    March 7, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    garcia hockey shirt with “choogly band” definition in the blue bar or above it.

  7. Fillmore South t shirts would be nice, maybe like those nice purple ones the boys wore?

  8. Maybe a black tea with the glowing eyes of a McIntosh amp and your logo…or a cassette sleeve thingy….I’m bored

  9. RE: the Club Front staff shirt — that kind of thing embroidered over the breast pocket of a Carhart work shirt would be the bomb.

  10. I lack the skills for this kinda stuff, but a Precarious Lee shirt would sure be nice.

  11. ….last on I promise, weekend is almost over.

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