Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Imagine A Birkenstock Stamping On A Human Face Forever

We have, Enthusiasts, hit Peak Festival; after this comes the crash. Wise investors are shorting Bonnaroo as we speak.

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“Umphrey’s Season!”

“String Cheese Season!”

“Umphrey’s Season!”

“String Cheese Season!”

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What’s the over/under on renditions of Soulshine? 12.5? I’m setting the line at 12.5.

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“Ve haff vays of making you listen to Tauk, Mr. Bond.”

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Phil, just because someone asks you to play with them doesn’t mean you have to. You’re allowed to pass on Moe. (I’m not playing along with their anti-capitalization bullshit, and I deliberately put them at the end of the sentence so I wouldn’t have to play along with their punctuation bullshit.)

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Fogerty should be headlining, shouldn’t he? Fogerty wrote Travelin’ Band and Lodi; hell, he wrote Proud fucking Mary. Widespread Panic has written songs, I suppose, but I couldn’t name any. Football analogy: Fogerty is to Manning brothers as Widespread is to Hasselbeck brothers.

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Brandi Carlile is awesome and should be a much bigger star. No jokes or sarcasm: she’s kickass in every way.

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Is that a typo? Is it supposed to be “His Golden Messenger” and they added an extra S? Or is the band named after Snake Jesus?

“If sssomone ssstrikesss you, turn the other cheek.”

“We don’t have cheeksss, Sssnake Jesssusss. We’re sssnakesss.”

“It wasss a metaphor.”

“We are alssso incapable of underssstanding metaphorsss.”

“Sssaint Patrick’sss coming! Run!”

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There’s not enough money or blowjobs in the world to get me to sit through that Thursday. I could’ve sworn the Geneva Conventions specifically mention an Umphrey’s/String Cheese double-shot.

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Twitter has fucked up the replies, so I don’t know whose joke I am stealing here, but: how can Gov’t Mule have a special guest when Woody Hayes is the special guest?

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One of the Pigeons Playing Ping Pong is Rebecca Pidgeon.

7 Comments

  1. One of the more brilliant headlines I’ve seen. Always hilarious when you show your literary side.

  2. Here is the only show coming up that seems interesting.

    Bicycle day in San Fran with Oteil and company.

    http://www.themidwaysf.com/event/1443370-bicycle-day-2017-san-francisco/

    I have not kept up on what is hip in Psychedelic Land, but this seems to have some neat ingredients,
    Alex Grey, freaky artist
    Android Jones freaky visual guy,
    Anthony “Flowers” Ward. This guy does improvisational dancing with flowers
    Blotter museum

    Some industrial location turned into venue. Plus Bicycle day so folks will be really high.

    I will take “dancing with flowers” over “soulshine”

  3. John Fogerty is a dick, and, he hates the Dead.

  4. Buck Mulligan

    April 1, 2017 at 2:36 pm

    Best title evar

  5. TotD–

    When are you going to take out the good-intentioned Moonalice?

    Someone’s gotta do it.

    Sincerely,

    S4

  6. A primer:

    Moonalice is Roger McNamee’s (born May 2, 1956), er, side project.

    McNamee is an American businessman, investor, venture capitalist and musician. He is the founding partner of the venture capital firm Elevation Partners. Prior to co-founding the firm, he co-founded private equity firm Silver Lake Partners and headed the T. Rowe Price Science and Technology Fund. He’s a VC big shot. He was “in talks” way back to help digitize the vault.

    He is also a touring musician, first as a founding member of the Flying Other Brothers, and more recently in that group’s follow-on band, Moonalice. (And even more recently the unfortunately named Doobie Decimal System.)

    McNamee is a tech geek. Moonalice streams all their shows and you get a free poster (usually art nouveau style) created specifically for the show you attend. He likes his doobies. He has a zillion dollars. He’s on CNBC a lot. He’s smart as fuck. He has bouncy hair and an elfin personality. His wife’s in the band. They play the occasional GD cover. Terrapin Crossroads regulars are in his band. They’re a solid hold on the 1 p.m. slot when they play festivals.

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