Okay okay okay: what if the Dead were mattresses? Garcia would be soft and fluffy, Phil would be firm and ungiving, Vince would be blood-stained and lying by the side of the road in an industrial section of town.

Are you mocking your own tropes are have you genuinely just run out of gas?

80/40.

That is not a thing.

70/40?

Nor is that. Look, I’m going to need the ball. We’re going with the lefty.

Wright?

Yes, yes: Lefty Wright.

Doesn’t he also switch-hit?

Yes and no.

KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE ABBOT AND COSTELLO ROUTINE.

Sorry, boss.

Life is short: listen to ’73!

You are just the worst kind of suck-ass that there is. What you do is shameful and whether or not you feel wrong about that like normal humans have evolved to do over millennia doesn’t matter: your actions have shame attached to them and will hound you not just here, but in all the worlds to come.

How about the boys as olde-time comedian? Bobby could be Lucy and get into situations because Garcia don’t wanna take ‘er to da show. Garcia, Ricardo, same shit, right.

BILLY!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOthump0000000000000000thump00000000.

Audition time!