Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

In Wall We Trust

Grateful Dead Concert at Dillon Stadium Hartford CT 31 July 1974 | James R Anderson Photographer
WHY AM I NOT APPEARING ON MSNBC?

You want that? It sounds like a punishment.

RACHEL MADDOW IS A BREATH OF FRESH AIR.

Possibly. What is this about now?

DONALD TRUMP IS GETTING MORE ATTENTION THAN I AM.

Train wrecks draw a crowd, yeah. You’re in it for the long haul, I thought. You said you wanted to be about issues.

I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND. I WOULD LIKE LARGE CROWDS OF MORONS TO CHEER ME ON.

I disagree with this strategy.

YOU ARE NOT A POLITICAL ANIMAL. POLITICAL LEE, MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER, IS.

You say “campaign manager” as if that somehow made her not a member of the Lee clan.

THE LEES ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

Insanity is sewn into that lining, if you follow me.

I CHOOSE NOT TO. SHE SAYS THAT IF I WANT TO GO NEGATIVE, THERE ARE A NUMBER OF CHOICES.

Okay.

I COULD FOLLOW TRUMP’S NATIVISM. I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING.

Let’s hear it.

THIS IS ALL THEIR FAULT.

You’re gonna need to be more specific.

TRUMP HAS THE MARKET ON BLAMING MEXICANS CORNERED. THERE IS NO MORE JUICE LEFT IN THAT BERRY. I TRIED TELLING PEOPLE THAT CUBANS WERE TO BLAME, BUT THEY WERE NOT BUYING IT.

Cuba is so hot right now.

THERE HAS NOT BEEN A CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO WHITE PEOPLE IN THE PAST SIX MONTHS THAT DID NOT TOUCH ON THEIR SHARED DESIRE TO VISIT CUBA BEFORE IT GETS RUINED.

I might have had one or two of those.

YES. I SAID TERRIBLE THINGS ABOUT THE FRENCH, BUT PEOPLE JUST LAUGHED THE MEANER I GOT.

People aren’t scared of France. What are they gonna do, have a transit strike at us? Plus, the French aren;t coming here even in Roger Ailes’ wettest dreams.

EW.

Sorry.

THERE MUST BE AN OTHER FOR PEOPLE TO BE AFRAID OF. IMMIGRANTS STEALING JOBS. HOMOSEXUALS TAKING MARRIAGES. TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE TAKING SHIT NO LONGER. THE MASSES MUST BE TERRIFIED.

Right.

BUT THE IMMIGRANTS ARE NOT HERE TO STEAL. THEY ARE HERE TO DO JOBS NO ONE WANTS TO DO AT WAGES THAT ENABLE THE AMERICAN WAY OF LIFE TO GLIDE SILENTLY THROUGH A WORLD OF TROUBLE WHILE STARING AT ITS PHONE.

I was told they were here for our freedom and women.

FREEDOM CANNOT BE SENT HOME VIA WESTERN UNION. ALL ACQUISITIONAL EMPIRES ARE BY NECESSITY BALANCED ATOP AN UNDERCLASS THAT LABORS WHILE THE CITIZENS PLAY. THE SPARTANS HAD HELOTS; THE BRITISH HAD INDIA; AMERICA HAD AFRICAN SLAVES, THEN CHINESE COOLIES, AND NOW MEXICANS AND CENTRAL AMERICANS. HOW DOES SOCIETY TREAT THOSE WITH NO POWER? AS MEN OR AS KINDLING?

You’re unelectable.

AS A NATIVIST, PERHAPS. I DO NOT BELIEVE I WOULD BE ABLE TO STICK TO THE SCRIPT.

Maybe you could be a religious type.

WHAT WOULD MY VIEWS BE, THEN?

Against abortion, but for the death penalty.

IF A HUMAN BRAIN WAS TO ATTEMPT TO HOLD THOSE THOUGHTS SIMULTANEOUSLY, IT WOULD EXPLODE.

You’d think. And, yet…

PERHAPS RELIGIOSITY IS NOT FOR ME.

Well, if you want to be president of this here country, you’re gonna have to fake the God thing a little.

I DABBLE IN BUDDHISM.

I should have been more specific about which God I meant, I guess.

JESUS?

Oh, yeah.

SHALL I REFUSE MY LESSONS TO THE FOOLISH? MEET ONLY WITH THE POOR, AND THE SICK, AND THE BROKEN?

Don’t do any of those things.

WHEN SHOULD I GIVE MY SPEECH DEMANDING MY SUPPORTERS SELL THEIR POSSESSIONS AND DEDICATE THEIR LIVES TO ME, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, TO ONE ANOTHER?

Never.

THESE ARE THE THINGS THAT JESUS PREACHED. HE WAS PLAIN-SPOKEN ABOUT THEM, AS OPPOSED TO THE MUSTARD SEED STORY. I STILL DO NOT QUITE GRASP THAT ONE.

We’re talking about two different Jesuses. Jesuses? Jesuses.

THAT DOESN’T SOUND RIGHT.

Jesii?

THAT SOUNDS LESS RIGHT.

Whatever. You’re talking about the actual Bible Jesus. Presidents need to believe in American Jesus.

IS AMERICAN JESUS THE ONE BLESSING THE TROOPS?

Yeah.

AND HE IS A CAPITALIST?

Yup.

SO: NOT JESUS AT ALL, THEN?

Kinda.

AMERICAN CHRISTIANITY SEEMS MORE LIKE A BRAND THAN A STRICT ETHOS AT THIS POINT.

Again: things you must not say on the campaign trail. Also, buddy: you got a wife you been hiding?

I AM NOT MARRIED.

Never found the right gal?

I AM A WALL.

That truly does not matter in this instance: you wanna be president, we gotta marry you off.

OH, DEAR.

26 Comments

  1. Hi Wally..

    I know a certain wall..

    https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQp6zxo1IUyeHiJiOwZWaV36X2j2O44zowZjgrJhKr2YTnDafRi

    This wall also attracts crowds of fans..

    see them flock to her.

  2. Hello again wally..

    This wall comes with religion built in… Marry her and your religion cred is way beyond Rick Santorum’s..

    http://www.tlvfaces.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/pope_kotel_1.jpg

  3. I am topped with a luscious golden dome..

    Did I mention..

    luscious

    golden….

    dome…

    http://www.atlastours.net/holyland/western_wall.jpg

  4. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    August 22, 2015 at 11:28 am

    PUT ME ON THE BORDER

    YOU WILL SEE MY POWER BETTER

    WALL! 2016

  5. this comments section is a fckin performance art piece JFC all of u are out of ur minds I love it

  6. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    August 22, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    HELLO I AM FEMWALL

    I AM HERE TO MARRY WALL.

    WE ARE THE PERFECT MATCH.

  7. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    August 22, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    MY INPUTS ARE COMPATIBLE WITH YOUR OUTPUTS.

  8. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    August 22, 2015 at 1:58 pm

    I MIGHT NEED A COUPLE SHOTS A WHISKEY FIRST THOUGH.

  9. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    August 22, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    I ALSO HAVE OPTICAL INPUTS BUT THEY ARE NOT COMPATIBLE.

  10. Mike & Gloria Gonna Be My Name

    August 22, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Shipping: Wailing Wall of Sound

  11. Sir Luther Von Baconson

    August 23, 2015 at 4:39 pm

    sneak up behind that kid give him a Wedgie (a Chee-Ho if you’re from Scarberia). make his gotchies all bongy.

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