Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

In Which The Question, “What If Each Song From 10/9/77 Were A Walrus?” Is Answered

New Minglewood Blues Feisty walrus at a lesbian bar picking a fight over who’s got next at the pool table.

They Love Each Other Walrus who remembered his anniversary the second he walked in the door, except his walrus wife saw him empty-handed, so even though he totally meant to pick up something on the way home, he is now in trouble.

Cassidy Walrus wearing sunglasses indoors screaming “Don’t you know who I am?” at a young person in the service industry.

Dire Wolf Were-walrus.

Looks Like Rain And somewhere in the darkness, the walrus? He broke even. And in his final words, I found an ace that I could keep.

Brown-Eyed Women Brown-eyed walrus.

Lazy Lightning>Supplication A walrus in a Hawaiian shirt punching dicks being followed around by a walrus in a Greek fisherman’s cap taking selfies.

Sugaree Once I went over to this walrus friend of mine’s house and he has Mein Kampf in the bathroom. Like, as a joke, but you know: Mein Kampf. I get putting Finnegan’s Wake on the back of the toilet: ha ha, little light reading. Put Hitler’s manifesto away, man. I didn’t;t hang out with that walrus a lot after that.

The Music Never Stopped Walrus passing as a seal to the point where she is the president of the local chapter of the NAAS (National Association for the Advancement of Seals.)

Samson & Delilah Why do I yearn for the desert, Louise cried to the heavens, but it just sounded like URRRRRGRNAAAHHrukrukruk, because she was a walrus.

Scarlet>Fire No one knew where he got the van, much less how he learned to drive, but all the hookers on Mulberry knew to run when the blue Chevy came around the corner: there was a walrus in it, and he was horny, and walrus parts are violently incompatible with human parts.

Estimated Prophet This walrus was a fervent Trump supporter, because Mr. Trump said publicly what he, the walrus, was thinking. He was thinking these things because he, the walrus, was a little dumb and a lot racist.

He’s Gone Of all the marine animals, walruses are the fastest readers.

Truckin’ A walrus who dreamed he was a man.

Drums A man who dreamed he was a walrus, then awoke to find he had been transformed into a giant cockroach.

Terrapin Station Kinky walrus.

Around and Around If Around and Around were a walrus, its mother would have taken thalidomide, but because they were walruses, the flipper thing was not a problem.

Oh, right: 10/9/77 from somewhere in Texas.


  1. C for Texas

  2. Colorado, Brofessor.

  3. “I have said that Texas is a state of mind, but I think it is more than that. It is a mystique closely approximating a religion. And this is true to the extent that people either passionately love Texas or passionately hate it and, as in other religions, few people dare to inspect it for fear of losing their bearings in mystery or paradox. But I think there will be little quarrel with my feeling that Texas is one thing. For all its enormous range of space, climate, and physical appearance, and for all the internal squabbles, contentions, and strivings, Texas has a tight cohesiveness perhaps stronger than any other section of America. Rich, poor, Panhandle, Gulf, city, country, Texas is the obsession, the proper study, and the passionate possession of all Texans.”

    ― John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley: In Search of America

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