Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Is John Mayer A Sherpa?

Let’s examine the evidence:

  • Sherpa live at altitude; John Mayer is very tall.
  • Real name: Gyalzen Norbu.
  • If John Mayer sees a hill, then John Mayer will scamper up that motherfucker.
  • In Edmund Hillary’s climbing journal, he mentions how one of his Sherpas kept receiving phone calls from Kim Jong-Un and changing clothes.
  • Lung capacity equivalent to three scuba tanks.
  • These boots:
  • Screen Shot 2016-08-14 at 9.00.29 PM
  • Also, Sherpa are obsessed with watches, and always manage to get their wrists in the photo.
  • Speaking of that photo: you see those little bibbley-balls dangling off of JM’s shirt/jacket/kimono/sleeved blanket/whatever?
  • Prayer bibbley-balls.
  • During this summer’s tour, whenever he and Bobby were walking up steps, John Mayer would carry Bobby’s things for him and then charge him $20 grand.
  • Often masturbates to yak porn.
  • Insane grudge against Jon Krakauer.
  • When John Mayer takes his dick out to pee, he invariably screams, “AVALAAAAAANCHE!” at the top of his lungs, and he does it in Nepalese or Tibetan or Yeti or whatever the fuck language Sherpa speak.
  • Demanded the top bunk in every hotel room he and Bobby shared.

Enthusiasts, there can be no question: John Mayer is a Sherpa.

(With thanks to ChadB from the Comment Section who inadvertently kicked off this latest foolishness.)

3 Comments

  1. I’m honored!

  2. Better Gzaylzen Norbu than Danzig Norgay…….my apologies, your post is hilarious and I am fool.

  3. Looks like an ad in a 1970 New York Times magazine on hippie fashion.

    They didnt get it either.

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