I need you to know the process by which this post came to be: on a website not my own, I hit Command + Shift + 4 and then depressed my finger, and slid it a little bit, and then dedepressed my finger. This caused a clickety noise that for some reason always frightens me; it is how the computer tells me that I have taken a photograph of a section of the screen. The photo saved itself to my desktop automatically in a generic name, which I changed to one involving keywords describing the picture’s contents.
From here, I opened the admin page of the website you’re currently visiting, and hovered the cursor over the “New” button in the upper toolbar. This reveals a scrolldown menu, from which I chose “Post,” and the screen reloaded with a blank template. On this page, there is a button labeled “Add Media” and I clicked on that. Once there, I chose the screen shots so recently taken.
And that’s all I did.
No manipulation, Photoshop, or text regeneration. On the morning of January 20, 2017, the nuclear codes will pass from Barack Obama to one of two humans, and what I’m about to show you is the responsibility of one.
You should fix that drink now.
First of all, if you think the main problem is the lack of the Oxford comma, then you’re the goddamned problem, Poindexter. Military is capitalized because of how big, powerful, and strong Donald Trump will make it.
Putting aside the fact that the title and the caption have nothing to do with each other, and leaving alone the change of tense in the second sentence, and ignoring that it looks like Donald is sucking a tiny invisible dong: one of the questions at the debate, and one that every journalist should be asking, is, “Mr. Trump, explain how the three branches of government work, and the system of checks and balances.”
Not even a tough question. (Even though–and I can’t even believe I need to say this–presidents should be able to answer the tough questions.) Reporters need to begin asking this man about basic civics. “Mr. Trump, could you tell me how a bill becomes a law? And do it without singing?”
(Someone should ask him what the “Farm” in the annual Farm Bill stands for just to watch his head explode.)
This is important, Enthusiasts. Donald Trump isn’t racist because he’s a terrible person; he’s a racist because he’s busy. Were there, say, 40 hours in a day, then Donald Trump would have the time to treat people with respect, and not be the unthinking, venomous, petty shitstain in clown’s underwear that he is FORCED TO BE just because, like he said, he’s so busy.
“Cut! Moving on! See, boys? That’s how a pro does it. I do the best first takes. Sinatra only did first takes, but I do first takes much better.”
Two exclamation points. The man is a monster.
Donald J. Trump, Esq.
On my first day in office of presidnet I would change alot of things and do alot of things. I would tell the bad guys that they could’nt be bad. I would be the best presidnet ever in America.
The presidnet wears a suit every day. That is what I would do as my first day in presidnet of the America.
And it will be wonderful and we will dance ’round the fire which will burn and burn and burn no and we will dance no against the wall no the wall on my back and no the bricks no my teeth no the bricks no in the wrong part of town it’s all the no wrong part of town the fire no the fire dances and no the wall against my back and no I said no I said no.