Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Items From The Upcoming Hal Kant Auction

A collection of rare Grateful Dead items owned by the legendary jam band’s late attorney will hit the auction block later this month. – “Rare Grateful Dead Items From Band’s Attorney Head to Auction” Rolling Stone 11/11/17

  • About a billion parking/speeding tickets with “PAY THIS, HAL” scrawled across them in Sharpie.
  • Contract for Bobby’s failed 1975 sitcom pilot for CBS, Weir’s Daddy? which was about a rock star whose parents die, leaving him to raise his precocious siblings, aged 13, 8, and 5, while dealing with life on the road. (Fun fact: making his teevee debut as wacky roadie Precarious Lee was a young John Ritter.)
  • Copy of letter sent to Phil Spector that ended with the lines “If you didn’t want anyone else using the name ‘Wall of Sound’ then you should’ve copyrighted the name. What are you gonna do about it? Shoot me?”
  • Several of Garcia’s paintings.
  • Several of Billy’s skankings. (Billy would dip the skank in paint and hurl them at canvas.)
  • Receipts for donations to the Marin County Sheriff’s Departments, each stapled to a carbon copy of a letter thanking the officers for helping Phil home.
  • Cease and Desist addressed to the makers of Grateful Head, Inc., which was a company that made tie-dyed blowjob machines.
  • Oil painting of a shirtless Evander Hollyfield [sic] done by Hal Kant’s wife Jesse. (Seriously.)
  • All the gay porn Keith did.
  • Persian rug from the Spring ’91 tour.
  • Bag of Persian, same tour.
  • Carbon of letter sent to Make-A-Wish Foundation admonishing them to vet their recipients better, as “…the kid you sent was A, healthy as a horse, and B, 26 years old.”
  • Several tasteful oil paintings of a nude Bruce Hornsby, also done by Hal Kant’s wife Jesse.
  • Glass jar full of jellybeans Billy stuck his dick in.
  • Chucky doll that was confiscated from Mickey in ’88 because he kept scaring Bobby with it. (Mrs. Kant does not recall the chain of events that led it to come into her and her late husband’s possession.)
  • Blueprints for Deadland, the theme park that the drummers said they were going to build every time they did too much cocaine.
  • $500,00 Lloyd’s of London policy taken out in 1976 on Garcia’s hands and Bobby’s hair.
  • The cremated remains of Brent’s cat, Mr. Hopkins.
    • “Hal, I want you to have this.”
    • “Why?”
    • “You’re someone I look up to.”
    • “Brent, take the cat ashes out of my office.”
    • And then Brent cried and self-harmed.
    • “Fine! Leave the ferkakta cat.”
  • Business card for Aldo’s Bail Bonds, whose slogan was “Bailing out the Grateful Dead and the rest of Marin County since 1965!”

3 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    November 12, 2017 at 12:30 pm

    Hal’s predecessors in the ragtop?

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    November 12, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    oh my gosh

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    November 12, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    Hal was a great guy – exactly what was needed by the band.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*