“AH HAVE NOT FINISHED INNERDUCIN’ THE MEMPHIS MAFIA!”

“It’s been a week, Elvis.”

“THE STORYLINE DONE REVIVIFIED ISSELF.”

“Fine, fine. At some point I need to get some work done. Laos isn’t going to bomb itself.”

“AH’M GONNA MISS YOU WHEN AH GO.”

“Yes, I suppose that I, uh, have enjoyed our time together.  Lovely to make a friend, especially such a special one.”

“AH AM VERY SPECIAL.”

“Weren’t we going to use the power of the Time Cape to save the future?”

“HOW C’N WE SAVE THE FUTURE IF WE CAN’T EVEN SAVE OURSELVES, NIX?”

“That was poignant, Elvis.”

“YEAH, AH’M POIGNANT AS SHIT, MAN. YOU MET MAH MONKEY YET?”

“I have met Charlie Hodge a number of times, yes.”

“NAW, MAN, MAH REAL MONKEY. MISTER JIGGS? C’MON OUT HERE, BOY. STOP LOVIN’ UP THAT BUST O’ CHURCHILL.”

“It was due for a cleaning.”

“C’MON, JIGGS. COME MEET YER PRESIDENT.”

“Mister Jiggs looks like some of the young people who protest outside.”

“DONTCHOO GET ME STARTED ON THEM DINGDANG HIPPIES, NIX! WEARIN’ BLUE JEANS LIKE SATAN WORSHIPPERS!”

“That is Agnew’s belief. That, uh, all the young people are in thrall to the evil one.”

“AH SENSE HIS TRICKERY IN TH’ SIDEBURNS OF TH’ YOUTH!”

“They yell and scream outside the White House. I watch them sometimes, Elvis, and I see a darkness in them. Their eyes, King. Blacker than Roberto Clemente.”

“THASS ONE DARKLY-COMPLECTED OUTFIELDER.”

“The girls, the young women, they neglect themselves. Unshaven legs with no stockings. Makeup slapdash, if at all. Some of them do not wear, uh, the proper undergarments. Brassieres, I mean. There is a great deal of movement. To and fro, bouncing, that sort of thing. I blame the parents.”

“AH BLAME TH’ BEATLES.”

“Yes. Them, too. Elvis, Mister Jiggs is still making love to Churchill’s head.”

“JIGGS, DAMN YOU! AH TOL’ YOU TO MAKE YOUR LOVE BEFORE WE CAME TO TH’ WHITE HOUSE!”

“There’s an intensity in that monkey’s eyes I almost admire, Elvis.”

“MISTER JIGGS IS A CREATURE OF PASSION. IGNORE HIM, SIR. THIS IS MAH PRIVATE NURSE, RUBY DEVILLE.”

“Miss Deville.”

“AN’ THIS IS TH’ MULTI-TALENTED LATOYA JACKSON.”

“Miss Jackson.”

“THIS HERE IS GO-KART TOMMY.

“Go-Kart Tommy. What does he do?”

“HE TAKES CARE O’ THE GO-KARTS.”

“Of course. Elvis, now Latoya Jackson is making love to the Churchill bust, as well.”

“THASS TO BE EXPECTED. YOU NOW HOW AH TOL’ YOU SHE WAS MULTI-TALENTED?”

“I do.”

“THAT THERE IS ONE O’ HER TALENTS. BUSTS, STATUES, SCULPTURES: SHE’LL LOVE UP ON ALL OF ‘EM.”

“A specific talent.”

“SAW HER HUMP A FRIEZE ONCE.”

“Fascinating.”

“MISTER PRESIDENT, THIS HERE IS TH’ GHOST O’ LOU GEHRIG.”

“The Iron Horse! Pleased to meet you, Lou.”

“LOU IS A VALUABLE MEMBER OF MAH ENTOURAGE. NEVER CALLS IN SICK.”

“No, he wouldn’t, would he?”

“NIX, IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, ANY ANIMAL AT ALL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?”

“An elephant. Powerful, intelligent, Republican. Perfect animal. You?”

“HELL, MAN: AH’D BE MISTER JIGGS. THAT MONKEY GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT.”

“He seems to be enjoying himself.”

“JIGGS HUMPS LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHIN’, NIX.”