You know the song, of course you do, probably to the point of being a bit sick of it and preferring a deeper Alice cut–Ballad of Dwight Fry or something–but I have a question, Enthusiasts. (And the question is not “Who the hell would trust Alice Cooper with a fucking epee?” even though it really should be.) The item before us is this:
What the funniest line from a non-novelty song?
And I posted School’s Out because, though I’ve heard the tune thousands of times, “WE CAN’T EVEN THINK UP A WORD THAT RHYMES!*” still gets me. Maybe it’s the sheer joy in how dumb, D-U-M, the line is.
So–and bear in mind that I’m still asking you stuff even though you were absolutely no help with the chair/dog/Candyman thing–whatcha got? Remember: no Weird Al or Dr. Demento or any of that AV Club bullshit, plus no Frank Zappa just because I say so.
As always, leave your entries in the Comment Section and, as this is only an exhibition, no wagering.
*Rinseable, invincible (perfect); buildable, interval, pitiful, minimal (imperfect); fanciful, lanceable (not really); splinterful (not a word).
And if California slides into the ocean
Like the mystics and statistics say it will
I predict this motel will be standing until I pay my bill
“Something about the way you taste
Makes me wanna clear my throat”
Could be considered AV Clubbish but these dudes were as serious as a heart attack. I’ll always love Devo.
not sure how exactly “funny” this line is – it’s more just that I totally hate it and think it’s a really weird line for grown men to have written:
“Yes, I am nitty, gritty, and my shirt’s all torn,
But I would love to spill the beans with you till dawn.”
SPILL THE BEANS?????? THAT IS ABOUT THE LEAST CREATIVE PHRASE YOU COULD EVER PUT INTO AN OTHERWISE PRETTY DECENT PIECE OF MUSIC. WHAT THE MCFUCK
Exile on Main street has some doozies, if you can figure out what they are saying..
That said…
And as much as I hate to win this so quickly..
I give to you Kenny Rogers..
“It’s hard to love a man whose legs are bent and paralyzed
And the wants and needs of a woman your age, Ruby, I realize”
Has anything so serious ever been said so ridiculously?
“She ripped off her rancid poncho,
and lay out naked on the floor
We did it till we were unconcho
and it was useless anymore.”
—Zank
Frappa
Took the words right out of my mouth, must have been while you were kissing me
“First time I saw you, you were Mr. Natural
You seemed so diffident, you hardly spoke at all
Now you come to me and you’ve got green streaks in your hair
You walk like Greta Garbo, but you talk like Yogi Bear”
…by Al Stewart, who writes some novelty-type songs, but this one is seriously about someone hanging with rock stars and not having the backing.
“By this time I got to looking for a kind of substitute
I can’t tell you who I found, except that it rhymes with dissolute
But my baby’s so lazy
She is almost unable
And it’s driving me crazy
And her loving’s just a fable that we try with passion to recall”
All of “Here Come The Warm Jets” approaches this kind of silliness, so you might call it a novelty LP. But that first couplet is so sublimely witty AND dumb… it was the second thing that came to mind, after Garbo & Bear.
We’re just knocked out.
We heard about the sell out.
You’re gonna get an album out,
You owe it to the people.
We’re so happy we can hardly count.
Everybody else is just green,
Have you seen the chart?
It’s a hell of a start,
It could be made into a monster,
If we all pull together as a team.
pink floyd has a lot of really clever lines that are funny but totally work. Pigs also has some funny stuff.
Tie your Mother Down !!
Tie Your Mother Down..
I can stop saying it..
Tie your Mother Down.
“Step into the tweezer breezer leisure seizure freezer,” or whatever the fuck it is Phish is yelling about.
Oo-ee/Son of a B
–Lou Reed
Broken household appliance national forest
Mud and metal mixing good
She loves you, yeah yeah yeah.
So much of rock & roll is novelty music, intentionally or not. From “a-wop-bop-a-loo-bop-a-lop-bam-boom” to “all in all is all we are”, but for my money nothing’s more (unintentionally) funnier than:
I want to fuck you like an animal.
I will never not find the premise, the delivery and most of the lyrics to Lawyers, Guns and Money pretty hilarious.
Favourite line?
“Send lawyers, guns and money,
Dad, get me out of this”
They searched my car
Looking for the product
Thinking every nigga is selling narcotic
Look, I’ll pay you for it, what the fuck?
-DLR
Generals gathered in their masses,
just like witches at black masses
All the kids wanna sniff some glue,
all the kids wanna have something to do
Is this what you wanted?
You were Marlon Brando
I was Steve McQueen
You were K. Y. jelly
I was Vaseline
You were the father of modern medicine
I was Mr. Clean
You where the whore and the beast of Babylon
I was Rin Tin Tin
I pick you up late at night after work
I said “lady, step inside my Hyundai”
Last great American whale- Lou reed
The last line…….
Americans don’t care too much for beauty
They’ll shit in a river, dump battery acid in a stream
They’ll watch dead rats wash up on the beach
and complain if they can’t swim
They say things are done for the majority
Don’t believe half of what you see
and none of what you hear
It’s a lot like what my painter friend Donald said to me
“Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over, they’re done”
Next upon a stool
Is a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule
Keep it cool, keep it cool.