Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas


Pig gonna getcha.

“The pig’s not real.”

Neither is this conversation, so you should be careful.

“One does need to follow the rules of the road.”

How should a child be educated?

“Curiosity must be encouraged; ignorance, discouraged.”

How do you discourage ignorance?

“Buddhists like to use sticks. Coach MacGillicuddy made you run laps.”

These methods are frowned upon nowadays. We’ve grown soft.

“Not us: the world. Calluses build up through damage, friction. The laborer’s hand is not innately rough: the work made it so. The world takes away less tenderness than it used to; perhaps this is a good thing.”

Is your fanny pack infinite?


Are there drugs in there?


What about your jean shorts?

“There are also drugs in my jean shorts.”

You’ve thought ahead.

“I’ve worn jean shorts before: I know the ins-and-outs.”

Y’know, a very famous man once rocked the jean short/fanny pack combo.

“Was that man Jesus Christ?”

It was. And, from his fanny pack, he produced enough drugs to discombobulate the masses.

“I’ve seen the light.”

Jesus is great.

“He’s just all right.”

Let’s hang out together, and do drugs and talk about the Lord.

“No can do. I’m arboreosexual.”

What the hell is that?

“My boyfriend’s a tree.”




You’re going out with that?

“I would leave him, but I need the syrup.”

That’s a maple tree. The joke makes no sense.


Oh, shut up. Do you have a name?


Nope! I’m done.


  1. What . . . no boots? I’m disappointed.

  2. Never made me run laps but it sure gave me the trots……badum tsss

  3. Mean, Green, Devil Eating Machine

    October 28, 2016 at 10:33 am

    Tatooine redux-ed again.

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