Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

It’s Not Like He Specifically Said Not To Do This Sort Of Thing

“Hard Rock Hotel. Jenkins speaking.”

Jenkins?

“Yes?”

You are a hard worker.

“Gig economy, sir. How can I help you?”

Weird question: I’m looking for the creepiest item in your collection. Something that any right-thinking human would be repulsed by, and that would completely go against the contributor’s expressed wishes.

“Hmm. Wow. This is a new question. Wait, how about a Super 8 film of Ted Nugent getting a beej from a black chick?”

That’s not creepy. Just disappointing.

“People do sometimes vote against their interests. Ooh, I have the straw that Stevie Nicks used to make roadies blow cocaine up her butt with.”

That’s more gross than creepy.

“It’s been washed.”

That item cannot be washed enough, Jenkins.

“Well, we do have some pictures of Katy Perry.”

How is that creepy?

“She’s sleeping and John Mayer took them. And there are stains on the photos.”

That is pretty creepy, but let’s see if we can break the bank.

“Gene Simmons’ foreskin?”

Nope.

“Rod Stewart’s stomach pump.”

That was a real story?

“Oh, yeah.”

Pass.

“The quarter that Buddy Holly and Waylon Jennings flipped to see who got the last seat on the plane.”

Oh, boy.

“Right? Very creepy.”

Yes. But I just don’t know.

“Wait! Jerry Garcia’s hair in a burial box complete with golden scissors.”

We have a winner.

8 Comments

  1. What the fuck is that really? Say it ain’t so?!?!

  2. I’m afraid to ask, but is this real? It’s real isn’t it

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      May 26, 2017 at 10:35 pm

      Oh, it’s real. And you know what that means…

      We have the technology. We can make him better, faster, chooglier.

  3. no way. when? how? it isn’t very dark.

  4. Anybody who has any of those Adamas graphite picks lying around, drop me a line.

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