Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

J Like In Junior

It must be noted for the record that Jew-hatin’ was not even the ninth-worst thing about Roy Moore before tonight; I would have been hard-pressed to offer it up as one of the man’s endless list of faults, and as you’re most likely aware, I see Antisemitism fucking everywhere like the canary who cried wolf. Sure, he let loose with some good ol’ Soros-bashing and talked about the Globalists and New Yorkers, but it never seemed like his heart was in it. Negros and homos were Roy’s bread and butter, with a helpin’ side o’ Radical Islamic Terrorism. Jews were just the parsley on the plate full o’ hatred.

And then his wife took the mic.

“Jew” is a tonal word. It belongs in Mandarin or Vietnamese because–depending on how you say it–it has two entirely different definitions. The first is the diminutive or casual form of “Jewish” and used to denote an individual claiming the religion much in the same way “Muslim” would be a referent for one of the Islamic faith. It is acceptable in both conversation and respectable newspapers. In pronunciation, the “J” is gently eased into and the “ew” is trailed downwards; you just let the syllable fall out of your mouth. Phonetically, it would look like this: /ǰu/.

Then there’s the other way. It is a slur, and not acceptable in conversation or respectable newspapers. It is used in situations when an anti-Semite can’t get away with saying “kike” and thinks they’re being subtle. The “J” is not eased into, but struck harshly, and the “ew” sound becomes “ee-yoo.” Phonetically, it looks like this: /Dǰ-yu/.

And Jews can hear the difference. You think your dog can hear you opening up the pretzels from far away? Try saying Jew the wrong way around Jews; you’ll see their ears perk up. We’re like Daredevil when it comes to picking out that hard J sound.

So it comes to this. TotD sat by while Roy Moore worked against the interest of blacks, gays, women, and Muslims, but now that his wife said Jew wrong, no longer can neutrality be maintained.


“Dude, I am really busy right now.”

Someone said Jew wrong!

“Honestly, I don’t care right now. I’m campaigning for Oscar glory.”

Is that all you care about?

“Right now? Yes.”

You’re not helpful.

“I didn’t offer my help.”

I’m glad Mickey didn’t like the movie.


I’ll get a better Jew. Sam? Sam?


I need your help, Sammy Davis, Jr.

“Anything for a fellow member of the tribe. Lay it on me, my man.”

The Jews are threatened, Sammy.

“Not on my watch, kid. Do you want a watch? Here, take my watch.”

I don’t want yourJESUS how heavy is this thing?

“Not as heavy as what the Jews have gone through, mishpuchah. I want you to have that as a token of our everlasting friendship, and I’m gonna dedicate this next number to you. A wonderful and talented man named Johnny Reo wrote the music and a dear, dear friend of mine wrote the words, Ms. Leslie Bricusse.”

Leslie Bricusse is a man, Sammy.

“Not after a couple drinks. HEY!”


Where the hell did they come from?

“I travel with a full backing band at all times.”

You are a showman, Sammy Davis, Jr.

“Now let’s go fight intolerance, man.”


“You drive. I’m so tired I can’t keep my eye open.”


You’re fucking awesome.

“That’s the truth, man.”


  1. I hope Sammy stays around to discuss all things religious.

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