Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Jesus Had Friday On His Mind


Hey, Pope Francis. Whatcha doing?

“I’m-a kissing da Holy Belly. Oh, do I love-a da Jesus.”

Is this a Good Friday thing?

“I’m-a freelancing-a here. Not in-a da playbook. Don’t-a care. Gonna give-a Jesus da zerbert. THBBTHH.”

Your Holiness.


Please don’t zerbert Jesus.

“I’m-a da Pope. I do-a what I want to-a da Jesus. Maybe I-a pick this-a thing up, whack-a some nuns witta it.”

You would not do that.

“Nah. I no hit-a da penguinos They make-a me laugh. Old guy would-a hit-a da nuns.”


“Oh, sure. One nun he-a dropkick. Another he give-a camel clutch. We had-a to remove all-a da folding chairs from-a da Vatican.”

He would hit nuns with folding chairs?

“And-a da ref would-a never see it!”

I’m getting the sense that Benedict enjoys professional wrestling.

“He’s-a gotta da blog about it.”

Ew. Bloggers are the worst.

“Si. Plus, he-a orders da pay-per-view and-a charge-a my account.”

So let him get his own cable.

“Witta what money? He ain’t gotta no job.”


“Market is-a terrible for-a da ex-Popes.”


“Over-qualified for-a most-a things. Under-qualified for-a da others. I-a tell him to learn-a to code. No no-a do it.”

You have to help yourself.

“You can lead-a da Pope to water, but you can’t-a make-a him drink.”

Benedict sounds like a terrible roommate.

“He-a eats my food.”

Well, you gotta put your name on it.

“I-a did! I had-a half-a da meatball sub. I write-a ‘Pope’ on it. He-a eat it. I-a say, ‘Benny Why-a you eat my meatball sub?’ He say, ‘It-a said Pope on it. I-a thought it was-a mine.’ Can-a you believe-a da balls on-a him?”

It could possibly be an honest misunderstanding.

“He-a know what he doing. How-a hard is it to-a putta da toilet paper on-a da roll? Don’t-a just leave it-a sitting on-a da sink.”

That’s terrible, yeah.

“He-a borrow da Popemobile and-a bring it back witta no gas.”

Wow, that’s rude.

“This-a situation gonna come to-a da head soon.”

Please don’t get in a fight with the Pope, Pope.

“Fight? Pssh. C’mon-a witta dat. Pope don’t-a fight.”

That’s good.

“Gonna gaslight him.”

I look forward to hearing about it.

“Sure, sure. I-a tell you all about-a it. Just-a don’t tell nobody else.

Cross my heart.


  1. “Friday On My Mind” by The Easybeats, 1966. A popular Australian band based in London, England by that time. George Young (rhythm guitar) and Harry Vanda (lead guitar) wrote most of The Easybeats songs, although Stevie Wright was the lead singer. Young was born in Scotland, Vanda in the Netherlands, but the families of both had emigrated to Australia when they were kids.

    Vanda and Young returned to Australia in the early 70s. They were the producers of AC/DC, which featured the younger brothers of George Young. Did you ever think that AC/DC was a high octane, thumping version of Stevie Marriott and The Small Faces? I did. Of course, Vanda and Young were contemporaries of all those Mods, they just bought it back to Australia and made it worldwide. Not bad for a couple of immigrants.

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