Instead of calling them personally and giving me the money, John Mayer took out a full-page ad in Billboard the other day to thank the Grateful Dead. It was a sweet gesture, even though the colon after the first two lines technically makes this a business letter. As you know, TotD has eyes everywhere and the Haight Street Irregulars have sent me the first draft of the ad, which was much more verbose.
I share it with you now:
To the band who touched me in so many ways, including ways specifically forbidden by the contract,
and for their music that I solo over
Congratulations on the 50th anniversary of your debut album, which I have not listened to. Is it the one with an ugly cover where you sound like a crappy surf band? Yeah, I have not listened to that one.
Bobby, your leadership and friendship have meant so much to me. We have rocked baseball stadiums together, and attended your family functions together for some reason. I’ll always remember that show in Denver when, in the middle of China>Rider, you walked over to me and said, “Tell me the bass player’s name again.” Such good memories.
Billy, I know you do not read Billboard, so I have also run this ad in Juggs. You have taught me so much about life and music. And, of course, skank. As a Grammy-winning musician, I thought I knew the ins-and-outs of road strange, but you became my sensei of the sensual. You also stopped Mickey from hurling his drumsticks at my head that time.
Mickey, you only hurled your drumsticks at my head one time. Thank you for that.
The other guys. Wow, I don’t know the protocol on including the other guys. Big ups to Jerry Garcia, I guess. Phil, thanks for not talking shit about Dead & Company to Relix. Makes things easier. Looking at you, dead keyboardists.
Here’s to 50 more years, even though that would require massive medical, technological, and societal changes to actually happen.
John Mayer (Josh Meyers)