Upon hearing the news of the Dead & Company lineup featuring Young John Mayer, most people made “Your Bobby is a Wonderland” joke. (Some clever types went with “Your Body Is a Winterland,” but that makes no sense, as women rarely appreciate being compared to crumbling roller rinks where Mickey used to get tuggers.)
Then, there were the wits who wanted to know whether Katy Perry would be taking over Mrs. Donna Jean’s parts. This is silly on many reasons, all of which having to do with demographics and fan bases and the suitability of hooking up with legendary drugmonsters when one is a Teen Queen.
But: I’m all for it.
She’s not as good a pure vocalist as Mrs. Donna Jean: Katy only has about five notes she can hit with any consistency, and they all leave her head through her nose, but worse singers have taken their turns at the Dead’s repertoire this summer, and Katy has much nicer boobs than Phil, so I think she’s capable.
Let’s spend a moment with Katy’s boobs:
Hey, Katy Perry’s boobs.
Keep up the good work, I guess.
“Fuck Taylor Swift.”
That was fun.
The best reason to press Katy into service for a Playing Wail or two is scientific, though: does the Dead Curse still exist. Used to be that any musician appearing with the Dead got hippie all over themselves and, seemingly for the rest of their careers, had Deadheads following them around. Branford, Bruce, Hamza. (True story: a big group of hippie buddies got really into Hamza El-Din’s music after being introduced to it at the ’78 Winterland shows and followed Hamza back to Egypt and no one ever heard from them again; they are assumed eaten.)
Would–at the next KATY PERRY! Concert Tour Extravaganza Girls: YEAH! Tour Sponsored by Pepsi: The Taste of Wet Nails with Caffeine–hordes of Wooks follow her from town to town? Set up mini-Shakedown Streets in the lot, selling kind grilled cheeses and fatty burritos to thirteen-year-olds in braces and their cranky, half-drunk fathers? Will Katy Perry allow a taper’s section? Would the taper’s section last more than two shows after the tapers realize that shows with costume changes, production numbers, and pyro kinda have to be exactly the same every night?
How many times would Left Shark be dosed? How many of those dosings would be just from Billy?