Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Let Katy Sing

Upon hearing the news of the Dead & Company lineup featuring Young John Mayer, most people made “Your Bobby is a Wonderland” joke. (Some clever types went with “Your Body Is a Winterland,” but that makes no sense, as women rarely appreciate being compared to crumbling roller rinks where Mickey used to get tuggers.)

Then, there were the wits who wanted to know whether Katy Perry would be taking over Mrs. Donna Jean’s parts. This is silly on many reasons, all of which having to do with demographics and fan bases and the suitability of hooking up with legendary drugmonsters when one is a Teen Queen.

But: I’m all for it.

She’s not as good a pure vocalist as Mrs. Donna Jean: Katy only has about five notes she can hit with any consistency, and they all leave her head through her nose, but worse singers have taken their turns at the Dead’s repertoire this summer, and Katy has much nicer boobs than Phil, so I think she’s capable.

Let’s spend a moment with Katy’s boobs:

Hey, Katy Perry’s boobs.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

Keep up the good work, I guess.

“Gotcha.”

“Fuck Taylor Swift.”

That was fun.

The best reason to press Katy into service for a Playing Wail or two is scientific, though: does the Dead Curse still exist. Used to be that any musician appearing with the Dead got hippie all over themselves and, seemingly for the rest of their careers, had Deadheads following them around. Branford, Bruce, Hamza. (True story: a big group of hippie buddies got really into Hamza El-Din’s music after being introduced to it at the ’78 Winterland shows and followed Hamza back to Egypt and no one ever heard from them again; they are assumed eaten.)

Would–at the next KATY PERRY! Concert Tour Extravaganza Girls: YEAH! Tour Sponsored by Pepsi: The Taste of Wet Nails with Caffeine–hordes of Wooks follow her from town to town? Set up mini-Shakedown Streets in the lot, selling kind grilled cheeses and fatty burritos to thirteen-year-olds in braces and their cranky, half-drunk fathers? Will Katy Perry allow a taper’s section? Would the taper’s section last more than two shows after the tapers realize that shows with costume changes, production numbers, and pyro kinda have to be exactly the same every night?

How many times would Left Shark be dosed? How many of those dosings would be just from Billy?

12 Comments

  1. Mind Left Body is a Wonderland debut?

  2. All of the pre-teen girls who will PMS their parents into getting them tickets to the show just to see JM and KP will begin wailing the moment any old hippies so much as a look in their general direction. And I’m going to laugh so hard. sorrynotsorry

  3. It is about time those boobs got sentience and a voice, if they had you speaking for them 4 years ago that whole Elmo kerfuffle would have gone down different.

  4. Add David Grisman and Bela Fleck. Touched by breathing the same air as the Great Barcia.

  5. Not gonna lie, I could pick Mayer and Katy Perry out of a line-up, but beyond that…I’m not really sure who/what they are. I only know Mayer cause he apparently banged Jennifer Aniston, so he has some props from my husband. Over the years, I’ve seen some weird shit, but this may top it all. I’m up for it, but I’m up for a lot of “whatever doesn’t kill me and I haven’t done yet” stuff at this point in my life. I might be ok with this? I don’t know. Someone tell me if I’m ok with this.

    I think it might suck. But if it doesn’t, and I miss it…there’s a lot going on here. Bed.

  6. “It’s allright cause I love you”

    Katy and bobby do looks like rain ’77 style as a duet. Then bobby takes her to the a frame, like he did with Donna, and Mayer gets spun out on ludes, just like Keith.

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