Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Let Me Slip Into Something Less Comfortable

Jesus! What the fuck is this?

“TOSSIN’ THE OL’ PIGSKIN ‘ROUND. MOSTLY AN EXCUSE TO PEG CHARLIE HODGE IN TH’ HEAD WITH THE BALL.”

You don’t look right.

“AH AM NOT IN MAH GARMENTS.”

It hurts to look at you. It’s like looking at a cthulu.

“DON’ BE LOOKIN’ AT NO CTHULUS, BOY! ONE GLIMPSE’LL TURN YOUR EYEBALLS INTO WAFFLES.”

That’s what I’m saying. Please stop wearing human clothes.

“BETTER?”

So much.

“LOOK HOW AWESOME AH AM.”

Wow.

“YOU GOT ME, DRACULA, AN’ THAT DARTH VADER FELLA C’N PULL OFF A CAPE.”

What about superheroes?

“AH’M TALKIN’ ‘BOUT REAL PEOPLE HERE, BOY. ME, DRACULA, MR. STAR WAR. THASS IT. SHORT LIST.”

Okay, okay.

“EACH OF MAH JUMPSUITS HAS ISS OWN HIST’RY. THIS ONE HERE FOUGHT IN THE BATTLE O’ MANASSASS.”

I don’t think it did.

“IT SCREAMS AT NIGHT, STILL DREAMING OF BLOOD AND GRASS, AND THE LAST BREATHS OF YOUNG MANGLED MEN.”

What the fuck, Elvis?

“THUNDERBIRD HAS HIS DEMONS!”

The jumpsuits have names?

“COURSE THEY DO, BOY. THERE’S THUNDERBIRD, PHOENIX BLACK PINWHEEL.”

Oh, cool.

“MAGENTA SNACKTIME, EIFFEL POWER, TWICE IMPISH.”

No.

“FEATHERS IN A COMA, SUMATRAN TIGER, UNBELIEVABLY GREEN.”

These are not the names of your jumpsuits. Stop making things up.

“LOOK HOW AWESOME AH AM.”

Oh, fine.

8 Comments

  1. Slothencod (fka wtfwjd?)

    January 10, 2017 at 6:36 am

    No ssssnake jumpsssuit?

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    January 10, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    saw this dudener at the amazon banana stand, talkin’ ’bout code & fulfillment centres.

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