Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Line(up) In The Sand

[PDF] Coachella 2016 AnnouncesThis is the newly-announced roster for this year’s Coachella, which is a festival in the high desert where filthy young people take drugs. This is not to be confused with Bonnaroo, which is a festival in a grassy field where filthy young people take drugs.

As in previous years, the headliners are big-time rock and rollers. They’ve had U2 and Snoopy Dogg and Drake (who is very big with the kids) and AC/DC (who tanked). Muse headlined one year, even though Muse is the rock version of soccer: America has said “no, thank you.”

It is getting late, and I am growing weary, so allow me to forego the tyranny of paragraphs. Totd presents Random Thoughts On Coachella:

  • How is Father John Misty not a part of this?
  • This seems like his kind of scene.
  • This list makes me feel incredibly out of touch.
  • Not old: there are a bunch of folks in my Twitter feed around my age who know most of these bands.
  • I’m just completely fucking oblivious.
  • In my defense: most of these bands are shit.
  • That’s the way the world works, or at least art/show biz.
  • As the man said, it’s science.
  • Let’s just organize this mass of humanity into three workable groups: bands I know; bands I have heard of; and bands who may or may be fictional.
  • Obviously, I know and love Guns N’ Roses, but am withholding my opinion until some questions are answered re: Izzy, and also re: Steven fucking Adler.
  • Fuck Matt Sorum. Matt Sorum ruined the sound of Guns N’ Roses. They sounded like every other heavy band after his fat, leathery ass joined the band.
  • Steven fucking Adler, man.
  • We know Duff is gonna be there; I need to hear about Izzy and Steve.
  • Also: Thoughts on the Dead Off Track Betting (TotDotB) is setting the over/under for minutes the show starts late at 75. The line on the entire thing being cancelled before it happens is 5-2, with a public fistfight at 10-1.
  • I also know Ice Cube, and can rap along with him when he tells the story about playing basketball and seeing blimps and not shooting people.
  • Rancid is also known to me: they were one of the East Bay punk bands that wore their influences on their sleeve so proudly that they were sort of besides the point; Ruby Soho is a great tune, though.
  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P9QMkm9Eew
  • And, um: that’s it.
  • Huh.
  • I’m just gonna put my hands on my knees and concentrate on my breathing for a while.
  • I have-thankfully–at least heard of the other two headliners, but not heard their music.
  • Calvin Harris is a rich person with a computer; he dates Taylor Swift; does he have great hair?
  • And then there’s LCD Soundsystem.
  • Literally the only thing I know about this band is that they retired.
  • Like, two years ago.
  • Not “broke up” – retired, and made an enormous and ponderous and self-serving fuss about the whole thing.
  • LCD Soundsystem is only one guy, right?
  • Like a wussy Nine Inch Nails?
  • Something scandalous and scoundrelous about making a big deal out of retiring–even filming a movie about it–then going right back on the road two years later.
  • Dead would never do that.
  • Other acts I have heard of: A$AP Rocky, Edward Sharpe, Sufjan Stevens, 1975, Ellie Goulding, and Courtney Barnett.
  • I was about to put Run the Jewels on that list until I looked again and realized that they were not playing; instead two acts named Run and Jewels were scheduled next to one another.
  • They did that shit on purpose.
  • Fuck you, Coachella: I thought Killer Mike was gonna drop some heavy truth on suckers.
  • There are also bands I have never heard of; this is their fault, and I shall mock them for their rudeness.
  • Jesus, there are some terrible band names on here.
  • RUFUS DU SOUL, TOKiMONSTA, HEALTH, KSHMR, BADBADNOTGOOD, and SOPHIE: stop that shit.
  • There don’t seem to be any Grateful Dead-related acts on here, but GnR are gritting their teeth and getting paid like grown-ups, so the spirit of the Dead will be there.

22 Comments

  1. Two things:

    1. That is, in fact, Run the Jewels listed on that poster. Your lying eyes are on the ball today.

    2. That’s a shockingly weak lineup. Almost pulled a mehscle reading it.

  2. Luther Von Baconson

    January 5, 2016 at 9:38 am

    where’s Tacocat?

  3. Bonnie Lass of Fenario

    January 5, 2016 at 10:43 am

    John Digweed, Matthew Dear, and Dubfire have been around for awhile. I know their names but can’t say that any of them are among my favorites.

  4. Has anyone here ever been to Coachella? My daughter is begging to go for her 16th B-Day and my quick math says its an expensive endeavor for and East-Coaster. Pretentious too IMO, but I could get over that pretty quickly for a good time

    • California Fest, never been but I assume it has less of a chance of becoming a mudpit like all other festivals.

    • I was going to give some solid advice till I thought about it and while I have been….. It’s been 15 years… When I feel old I pull out my JGB and Dead tickets and smile,smile,smile…
      It’s in a rich mans desert, full of raver types, and yes it will cost a fortune since anywhere cheap gets you awfully close to the desert meth heads.

    • Bonnie Lass of Fenario

      January 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm

      There are far better festivals a 16-year old could attend for celebration, but never deny her dreams.

    • Bonnie Lass of Fenario

      January 8, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      To be clear I haven’t been to Coachella.

      I went to Electric Forest once, and smaller east coast / midwest festivals.

      As well as many “raves” in the day, small in comparison but very intense in the Baltimore / DC / Philly area.

      You can spend a lot of money and get little in return, or spend nothing and get everything.

  5. Mavis Staples?

  6. Best fake Clash song ever.
    – Jack Ruby Soho

  7. I don’t know who any of these people are (except GnR). Also, the print was really small, and I couldn’t read it on my phone without about 3 cups of coffee to help. I’m not the target demographic.

  8. I must say that Gary Clark Jr. is a helluva guitar player and fine singer to boot. If Prince would just concentrate on the blues, he would be Gary Clark Jr.

  9. why is the apostrophe AFTER the n in GnR? and does that bother anyone else? and where is maggie?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*