Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Lollapalooza: Still A Thing

lollapalooza 2016

  • Is Lollapalooza coming back, or has it always been around and I didn’t care?
  • I thought we left Lollapalooza in the 90’s with Daddy Snow and Third Eye Blind.
  • Oh, look: Third Eye Blind is playing.
  • This list is like a foreign supermarket: I understand the concept, but the specifics are beyond me.
  • What the fuck is a Flosstradamus?
  • You know the scene in the novel set at a record store or a festival and the only reason for the setting is so the author can come up with a couple pages full of fake band names?
  • That’s what this looks like.
  • The possibility exists that I am both old and out-of-touch, but we can safely disregard that theory.
  • It’s definitely someone’s else’s fault.
  • Radiohead is the musical equivalent of The Wire for me: something white people whose opinions I respect love that I avoid.
  • Don’t know why.
  • Freedom of speech, maybe.
  • Sheer obstinacy, perhaps.
  • I do follow the crowd on the Chili Peppers, though.
  • They suck.
  • They’re semi-funky KISS: two guys, and some other guys, and one trick.
  • And did the Chili Peppers give Jane’s Addiction their sexy guitarist back?
  • And is it the original Jane’s Addiction?
  • Because I had been led to believe that those gentlemen were in the lawsuits and punching stage of bandhood.
  • I usually post live stuff, but the album version of this is the one you want.
  • Headphones.
  • [embedyt][/embedyt]
  • We have hit Peak Festival.
  • There is a bubble.
  • If I were you, I would short port-a-potties.
  • I will give this particular festival credit, though: it’s not in a field.
  • Grant Park is in Chicago.
  • It’s as in Chicago as you get: it’s right next to Soldier Field; if you’re looking for one festival to go to this summer, I can tell you this: Grant Park is a lovely place to be on drugs with your friends while music plays too loud.
  • If you want to see two bands you like and a bunch you haven’t heard of surrounded by various teenage rebellion, then this one gets the TotD Stamp of approval: it’s not in a southern field, nor the middle of the desert.
  • Plus: the same bands are at every festival, so the whole choice is about your preference in environment.
  • Acts I Have Opinions On: besides the ones I’ve mentioned, just LCD Soundsystem and Lana Del Ray.
  • My Opinions On Said Acts: they are almost anagrams, and I am reminded vaguely of brunch.
  • A Venn diagram of LCD Soundsystem, Lana Del Ray, and brunch would just be one circle.
  • I would also pay good money to take too much acid and listen to One From The Vault through the Despacio PA that James Murphy built.
  • I also have an opinion on Die Antwoord.
  • They are scary and look terrible-smelling and I can’t understand a thing they’re talking about.
  • You know the scene where the redneck sheriff tells the lonely drifter to get out of town?
  • If Die Antwoord were the lonely drifter, you would side with the sheriff.
  • Look at this:
  • Right?
  • If that knocked on your door, you would shoot it; the jury would take five minutes to find you not guilty.
  • Acts I Have Heard Of And What I Know About Them: Ellie Goulding is foreign and sings sad songs like a skinny Adele; J. Cole makes the First Lady’s dresses; Future changed the rap game, according to Kanye; Haim are Jewish girls that took a picture with Taylor Swift; neither St. Lucia nor Saint Motel is St. Vincent.
  • Lindsay Stirling is a woman who plays the electric violin while cosplaying; she has also written a memoir detailing her mental health issues and social media problems.
  • It’s almost like she was trying to annoy me.
  • Acts I Have Never Heard Of: the rest of them until you get to the last line.
  • Pepsi’s early stuff was great; Samsung still rocks, I guess.


  1. If you are a teenager in Chicago, you should go. You should probably sneak in somehow if possible.

    You should go to the second or third stage, sit close and take notes on who you see because they will be forgettable.

    Then if you are lucky, 10 years from now the muddy magnolias will be a big thing, you can look at your notes and say. Oh yeah, the Muddy Magnolias, I saw them in 2016.


  2. Actually I take that back.

    The second stage at our local festival had some amazing groups and those are the ones I enjoyed.

  3. I feel the same way about Radiohead, fwtw.

    Don’t sleep on St. Vincent, though. She’s talented.

  4. Die Antwoord. Holy Fucking Hell. What the fuck was that? Thanks for the nightmare I’m liable to have tonight…

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