“NOOOOO! Why!? Why, why, why!? Three o’fucking clock in the goddamned…what!?”

“Hello, Frau Haberman. Um, Mrs. Mrs. Haberman. I meant Mrs. This is Doctor Sebastian Gorka, PhD.

“Ah, for fuck’s sake.”

“As you know, I quit working for the Jew-infested White House today.”

“I don’t know that. In fact, I was told the exact opposite. That you were fired.”

“Jew lies.”

“The antisemitism is going to make this a very short conversation.”

“I can hate Muslims, if you’d like.”

“Try not to hate anyone.”

“Then I would have no purpose in life. Mrs. Haberman, the White House has been corrupted. Do you know why I took the job?”

“Because it was the only one you were offered in the past few years?”



“I wanted to MAGA. I believed in MAGAing. MAGA in the morning, MAGA in the evening, MAGA at suppertime.”

“Stop saying that word that isn’t a word.”

“And where’s the MAGA? I saw a little bit of it in President Trump’s triumphant press conference.”

“The one where he called the Nazis ‘fine people?'”

“What a man. But I feel he didn’t go far enough in denouncing the Communist, anti-American alt-left. Especially that woman who did all the damage to that innocent Dodge.”

“The one who was run over and killed?”

“Totally caved in the front end. That doesn’t just buff out, you know. Besides, she didn’t have a permit. If someone doesn’t have a permit, then you’re allowed to run them over. That’s the law.”

“It is not a law anywhere in the world.”

“Most of those protestors were either secret Muslims or openly black. Kind of like Obama.”

“What the hell does ‘openly black’ mean?”

“You know, a rap black. One of those who thinks their life matters. Not a good black.”

“Uh-huh. And can you name some people you think are good blacks?”

“Bill Cosby.”

“Stop right there.”

“Mrs. Haberman, the president has been cucked. Cucked with fury by the globalists and the Deep State. Do you know he didn’t mention the phrase ‘Radical Islamic Terrorism’ in his Afghanistan speech?”

“Why is that such a thing with you guys?”

“Because if you don’t say the magic words, the spell doesn’t work.”


“Nothing, nothing.”

“Listen, Sebastian–”

“Doctor Gorka, PhD.”

“I’m not calling you that. I don’t know why all you slapheads in the White House seem to think I’m your exit interview, but I’m not.”

“I saw Jared Kushner run into the middle of the street to pick up a nickel.”

“Holy shit, man,”

“Mrs. Haberman, America is under attack.”

“I agree.”

“Not just by Jews and rap blacks. Syphilis is back, and do you know why?”

“Lemme guess. Mexicans?”

“Mexicans! Yes!”

“Are you on our side?”

“NO! You’re just predictable.”

“Did you know that the homosexuals have a plan to steal all the potatoes?”

“That’s simply absurd.”

“They’re joining forces with the antifa. The antifa is everywhere, Mrs. Haberman.”

“Antifa. Uh-huh. What does that mean?”

“Anti-fascist thugs.”

“Right. So, uh, if they’re anti fascists, and they’re your enemies, then what does that make you?”

“The Muslim Brotherhood has infiltrated the Girl Scouts, and they’re going to put bombs in the Thin Mints.”

“I’m hanging up. Wait. Where are you?”

“Breitbart office. Came directly here. Hey, you wanna talk to Steve?”


“You wanna talk to Big Steve?”

“No. Good night. Don’t call here anymore.”

“Auf Weidersehen, mein liebchen.”


“Nothing, nothing. Good night.