“Look-a da bambino!”
That baby’s pinching your cheek, Your Holiness.
“Then I gonna turn-a da other one.”
I see what you did there.
“I tell-a da joke about-a da Jesus.”
“But I love-a da Jesus.”
“But maybe I love-a da bambinos just as much. Peekaboo, I bless you!”
“The bambinos are-a da future. Whitney taught us dat.”
“Dat Bobby Brown was-a bad news.”
“Whitney deserved-a better.”
She did. It’s been a while since we talked. What have you been up to?
“I say-a da prayers, I bless-a da people. Is-a nice. Is-a nice.”
You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself.
“I’m-a burned out.”
It’s been four years.
“Si, si. And-a you know when I gotta my last vacation?”
Four years ago?
I thought you had a vacation castle.
“Gandolfo. No, no. It’s-a da museum now. Take-a da tour, buy-a da shirt.”
“Maybe I no need-a da vacation. I just-a wanna sit in-a da Starbucks for a while. Have-a da thing with-a da whipped cream. Read a little.”
What would you read?
“A Bible, but a different one than-a da usual one. Mix it up a little.”
“I just-a need some Pope Time.”
I totally get where you’re coming from.
“Vatican is-a tense lately.”
“Benedict has been-a unbearable since-a da election.”
He hasn’t gotten any better?
“So much-a worse. He accuse-a me of saying da fake prayers.”
There are so many layers to the phrase “fake prayers” that I’m not going to get into it.
“He ban-a the Vatican Times from-a da press conference.”
That’s no good.
“It’s-a terrible! They’re-a da only newspaper! Da poor-a spokesman stood there and-a answered questions from-a no one!”
“It’s-a da bad look.”
That’s the exact phrase I would use, too.
“Then-a, he get in-a da fight with Belgium.”
“That’s-a what I wanna know!”
This is no good, Your Holiness.
“Si, si. Now he wants-a to live at Lake Como and have-a me pay for it.”
In Benedict’s defense, I would also like to live at Lake Como and have you pay for it.
“Oh, si. It’s-a nice-a lake. But he-a take it too far.”
“I think-a he’s been talking to-a da Russian Orthodox Pope.”
Things are rough all over, Pope Francis.
“Si. That’s-a why we gotta think-a da bambinos.”