Listening to too much Dead? (As if that were a possibility.) here are some helpful signs that you might want to load up some other bands on your iTunes.

  • You can’t look at your watch without relating the time to show dates: e.g. “It’s 2:18. BEAUTIFUL JAM.”
  • Your first thought upon hearing of Russia’s invasion of the Crimea is, “Billy could stop this in 15 minutes.”
  • You get a cat, name it John Kahn, and it immediately starts enabling your heroin habit.
  • The only reason you do leg day at the gym is because Halloween is coming and you’re going as 80’s Bobby. Again.
  • You wonder how John Travolta would pronounce Phil’s name. (Paul Loing.)
  • You’ve listened to the entire 30-minute rehearsal version of My Brother Esau from 3/14/83.
  •  You’re 1500 posts in to a maddeningly obscure blog about the Dead.
  • You refer to fat people as Wall of Pounds.
  • You’re already camped out in front of Barnes & Noble waiting for Billy’s book.
  • And you’re in costume.
  • And you’ve punched three booksellers, seven random pedestrians, and a dachshund named Colin in the dick.
  • Someone asks you what you want for your birthday and you automatically answer, “The security alarm code to Bobby’s house.”
  • At international customs they ask you if you have anything to declare and you say, “1979 was really underrated.”
  • You throw a tantrum when Words With Friends won’t accept “Godchaux.”