Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Meet Me Out In The Streets

sweetwater outdoor cafe.jpg

CELL PHONE NOISE

CELL PHONE NOISE

“Weir here.”

“What the fuck, Bob?”

“Oh, hey, Phil. How’s tricks? Caught that guy pooping on the bocce courts?”

“That storyline went nowhere. Bob: move all that shit back inside right now.”

“It’s nice out. And, you know: Sunday.”

“Right! Sunday, outside: that’s my thing. I own being outside on Sundays in Marin County.”

“It’s just a couple tables, Lesh.”

“Did you just call me ‘Lesh?'”

“Yeah, it didn’t sound right while I was saying it.”

“No, not right.”

“Your name is tough to say after a couple drinks.”

“Tell me about it. Back to the topic, Bob: I see what you’re doing.”

“Just a couple tables.”

“Bar?”

“Not a full one. Just beer and wine and hard liquor.”

“Band?”

“Acoustic only.”

“Guy in a turtle suit wandering around?”

“Well, Brent’s coming by, so I would assume so, but we didn’t hire a guy or anything.”

“Goddammit, Weir.”

“What?”

“You’re stealing my thunder, and you’re gonna get my lightning.”

“Are you singing that song now, too?”

“Move it inside or we’re fighting.”

“Aren’t you fighting with enough Grateful Deads at the moment?”

“One more won’t matter. Move it in.”

“Like, physically?”

“Of course, physically. How else would you move things back into a restaurant?”

“No, no: the fighting. Are we, like, brawling?”

“What?”

“Court in the streets? Mano a mano?”

“Probably not.”

“Although, when white guys fight, it’s mayo a mayo.”

“Well done, Bob.”

“Ah, I can’t lie: Oteil told me that.”

“Funny guy.”

“Don’t get him started on honkies.”

“Why would you think we were going to fistfight?”

“Well, we used to.”

“Forty years ago, Weir. And we never hit each other, I don’t think.”

“You and me? No, no. Don’t think. Billy hit me.”

“Tried to slam your head into a curb, if I recall.”

“And Billy hit you.”

“Choked. Billy choked me in mid-conversation.”

“And Billy hit Mickey a lot.”

“He always deserved it.”

“Christ, who didn’t Billy hit?”

“You know who.”

“Ah, right.”

“Last warning, Weir: let this be the extent of it. Do not build outdoors. Outdoors is my territory.”

“Phil, this is some tables and some food and some alcohol at a 700% markup. Nothing permanent.”

“Good.”

“People have some fun, listen to some music, I read some stories to the children, and then they go home.”

“We’re fighting.”

PHONE SLAMMING NOISE, EVEN THOUGH PHONES CAN NO LONGER BE SLAMMED

“Aw.”

3 Comments

  1. who didn’t Billy fight < you know who

  2. Didn’t Phil hit Bob with an iron bar? Isn’t that why Bobby grew a beard?

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