billy bobby msg podium“What my bandmate meant to say–”

“I meant to say I fucked the building cuz I’M AWESOME.”

“–was that there was always something special about coming to New York and to this historic building. I, um, actually did a little bit of reading about the Garden and, well, it’s some interesting stuff.

“The first one didn’t have a roof, so there was nowhere to hang the JumboTron and no one could get a good close-up of the action, which was mostly opera and bear-baiting. The second one was designed by Stanford White, which is something neat, but was unfortunately located above an access point to the Dungeon Dimensions so, you know: Terrordactyls.

“This building is the fourth Garden; the previous one was built during the Depression, so it was constructed by and of hobos. Both the material and the labor were hobo-based, and as the country was more that 40% practicing hobosexual and there really weren’t any laws back then, you could get a pretty decent venue that way.

“But, you know: times change and this place got built back in ’68. Some great stuff here, too: Ali-Frazier, lot of great shows. Elvis only played New York once, and he did it here.”

DID AH HEAR SOMEONE SAY MAH NAME? HAVE YOU SUMMONED THE KING? I, ELVIS, HAVE RESPONDED TO–

“No! NO. No. You may not do this now. You may not. I have absolutely enough to do without you wandering around shooting the place up.”

AH WAS ONLY GOING TO WAVE MAH GUN AROUND, NOT SHOOT IT.

AH WAS GONNA SHOOT IT.

“I just can’t today, King. I got Crazypants McGillycuddy with a bellyful of shrooms and a new hat on my left, my phone won’t stop buzzing. Guess who it is? Also, guess whose wife it is?

“I haven’t eaten any pills in weeks; I’m feeling good and we got shows to do; God help us all, if I have to act like the grown-up, then I will, but I do not need your bullshit right now, Elvis. No disrespect.”

AW, NONE TAKEN, BOBBY. YOU GOT A LOT ON YOUR PLATE TODAY.

“I’m not even gonna mention how the Dead daughters are looking at each other.”

YOU GOT PROBLEMS, BOBBY.

“Tell me about it, E.”