mickey nancy pelosi

“Congresswoman, if you’ll keep moving along the display of foreign drums I’ve terrified foreigners into giving me,  you’ll notice the small hand drum. It’s called a Hooooooom and was given to me by the Arakeen people of the Western Sahara.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Fascinating people. They engage almost primarily in the spice trade. Apparently, Congresswoman–and I did not know this, they did not tech me this in school–there are giant sand worms out there and they basically poop LSD.”

“You didn’t know that because it is Dune. The book. And the many sequels and movies.”

“Oh, I knew Dune had the same kind of thing, but I thought it was a ‘based on a true story’ kind of thing. Like dragons.”

“There are also no dragons, Mickey.”

“No, there are no dragons.”

Were there dragons, Mickey?”

“We cannot know the past, Congresswoman.”

“Regardless: that drum did not come from the Arakeen people who ride sandworms. Also, it reads Made in China. Mickey, I think hippies were messing with you.”

“Then, my naming ceremony was a lie?”

“What did they name you?”

“Kwisatz Haderach.”

“Sorry, pal.”