It’s me, Mr. Davis.
“Ain’t it Jew Year’s Eve?”
How lovely of you to remember.
“I live in New York, motherfucker. Think I ain’t had a knish before? You people do two things good, and one’s cook.”
Please don’t tell me what the other thing is.
I was not expecting that.
“Jewish bitch’ll work for you. Do stuff to your balls without telling them to. That’s nice, I like that. Plus, they ain’t got dogs. White bitches always got some little dog wants to bite your black ass while you’re fucking. White people so racist that their dogs hate black folks.”
I don’t know if that’s true.
“What the fuck would you know? Cop ever beat you in front of the club you was headlining at? Your name’s on the fucking sign and you got some soda-cracker motherfucker whacking at you with his billy club?”
“Then shut the fuck up. I ever tell you about the time I went to the White House?”
“Should’ve known from the name I wasn’t supposed to be there. Cecily set it up. Thought I’d like it. All these old white people are there staring at me like I’m some fucking freak. I got a new outfit on, some real clean shit from this Japanese designer I liked at the time. Everyone else is in a tux or some European bullshit. White ladies kept coming up to me to ask about jazz.”
“Who the fuck knows? They didn’t want to know nothing, and you can’t teach someone like that nothing. They just wanted to look smart in front of their white lady friends. Should’ve seen these bitches. Got real tight faces and loose necks. Old, uptight white people. Looked like a restricted cemetery. You know who was there?”
From My Three Sons?
“That motherfucker, yeah. Drooling on himself. I might’ve liked him the best. Least he couldn’t say no dumb shit to me. This one bitch walks up to me, right in my face, says, ‘And what did you do to get invited to the White House?'”
What did you say?
“I said, ‘I did this, bitch.’ And I took out my dick and pissed on her knee.”
“Cecily was mad, but fuck her.”
This was when Reagan was president, right?
“That simple motherfucker. Shit, I met a lot of white people but that motherfucker was clear. Couldn’t look directly at him.”
Reagan was a pretty white dude.
“And that wife of his. No ass on that bitch. I heard she sucked a mean dick, but bitch got no ass.”
I don’t know why you never write lyrics. You’re a poet.
Yeah, I deserved that.
“Next one’s getting aimed at you.”
I’ll deserve that, too.