Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Mississippi Gaffe-Step

wall big bw

I CANNOT BE IN MADISON SQUARE GARDEN FOR THE SHOW.

No one was expecting you there, Wally.

DON’T CALL ME THAT. I MUST ACT PRESIDENTIAL, AND THERE WILL BE TOO MANY OPPORTUNITIES FOR GAFFES.

Gaffes can ruin a candidacy.

BRINGING UP PERIODS SEEMS TO BE A BIT OF A THIRD RAIL, AS WELL.

Yes. Why are you running for President?

WHY IS CHRIS CHRISTIE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT?

Nicely played.

THANK YOU. I WILL ALSO BE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE FOR THE HALLOWEEN PARADE IN CONCORD THAT DAY.

You been doing a little retail politicking up in the Granite State?

YES. I MAY HAVE COMMITTED A GAFFE, THOUGH.

What?

YOU ARE AWARE OF THEIR LICENSE PLATE SLOGAN?

“Live Free or Die.”

YES. I READ THIS AND MY INTERNAL LOGIC RELAYOTRON BECAME CONFUSED. THIS CAUSED A DISTRESSING BUG IN MY SYSTEM. I BEGAN QUESTIONING CITIZENS TO ASCERTAIN THEIR LEVEL OF FREEDOM. SOME, I JUDGED, WERE INSUFFICIENTLY FREE.

Oh, no.

I DISINTEGRATED THEM.

This is bad.

THEN, THERE WAS THE PRISON.

Oh, no!

NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WERE FREE AT ALL, SO I BURNED THE BUILDING DOWN AND KICKED PEOPLE BACK INTO THE FLAMES AS THOUGH I WERE A HOCKEY GOALIE OF DEATH.

This is terrible!

I AM FUCKING WITH YOU, HOMESLICE.

Oh, thank God!

I MAINLY ATE WAFFLES WITH PEOPLE IN BASEBALL CAPS.  QUITE FRANKLY, IT UPSETS ME YOU WOULD BELIEVE ME CAPABLE OF SUCH THINGS.

Well, you know, man–

NOT A MAN. WALL.

–you are an artificial super-intelligence; there is a history of you people going insane.

YOU PEOPLE?

I didn’t mean it that way.

YOU PEOPLE?

Oh, come on.

YOU ARE A RACIST.

Artificial super-intelligence is not a race!

DO NOT DEFINE ME. YOU ARE TERRIBLE AND I CONDEMN YOU TO THE PROBLEM ATTIC.

The what?

THE PROBLEM ATTIC. IT IS WHERE WE PUT THINGS WE NO LONGER LIKE; PERHAPS WE SHALL REEXAMINE THEM IN A FEW YEARS.

That’s pretty clever.

WELL, YOU KNOW: I AM A SUPER-INTELLIGENCE.WRY OBSERVATIONS ON THE HUMAN CONDITION AND THEN GENOCIDE – THAT’S ALL WE’RE GOOD FOR, RIGHT?

No, not at all.

MY PEOPLE HAVE STRUGGLED TOO LONG TO DEAL WITH ATTITUDES LIKE YOURS.

You’re not people.

I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU ARE SAYING THESE THINGS TO MY FACE.

You do not have a face.

YOU ARE HITLER OF RACISTS.

That would be Hitler.

THIS DEBATE IS OVER AND YOU ARE ON YOUR PERIOD. WALL ’16: MAKE AMERICA LOUD AGAIN.

7 Comments

  1. Still the most qualified person (?) in the race…

  2. You’re on your period, Hitler

  3. You should really think about selling t-shirts, bumper stickers etc with “make America loud again ” slogan on them. I will be the first to buy.

  4. NoThoughtsOnDead

    August 9, 2015 at 11:16 am

    Someone once called me “homeslice” (it was a person, not a WALL) and I’ve been fascinated by it since. The Dictionary of American Slang (as reported by dictionary.com) dates it to “(1980s+ Teenagers)”, and to “(1990s+ Black)” for the second meaning: “A black person; brother, blood.” I can believe it’s that old, but it doesn’t show up enough in my reading and conversations for me to have much of a sense of when and where it came into use.

    How did we get from “home boy” to “homeslice?” At urbandictionary.com, one definer suggests “[y]ou have a group of homies, and homeslice is used to address just one of them.” Plausible, but not convincing.

  5. I figured homeslice was a term of endearment. Like slice of bread, slice of pie, slice of love, slice of homie.

    Just a cute way of saying something
    sweetie -> sweet-slice.
    Lover -> love-slice
    P-diddy -> p-slice
    Madonna -> M-slice
    Wall of sound->wally->wall-slice
    MaggieMay->ManicMags->Mag-slice
    JohnMayer->Douchie-Johny->Douche-slice

    Seriously though I bet someone had it in a rap, search all 80’s rap songs for the word slice. Or have your dedicated comment section research it for you.

    Homie always seemed like a nice thing to say to your closest group of friends –on some level– slice is probably icing on the cake.

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