Modern News Cycles: A Taxonomy

The Heel Turn

1. Terrible (who is either retired or retiring) person assesses the current situation with honesty and sanity.
2. Liberals and journalists over-praise terrible person.
3. Other liberals and journalists attack first group with tweets that begin “Let’s not forget…”
4. Terrible person is called a cuck.
5. President quietly signs Executive Order allowing lead manufacturers to directly inject children with their products.

The Masque of Red Death

1. Person respected and/or feared man is revealed to be a pussy and/or dickgrabber.
2. Hundreds come forward to affirm the grabbing of pussy/dick.
3. Business ties are severed.
4. Businesses that are slow to sever ties get denounced.
5. Hillary Clinton is blamed.

The Silent But Deadly

1. Mother Jones or ProPublica publish an extensively reported and sourced article detailing horrible allegations.
2. Absolutely nothing happens.

The Time To Make The Donuts

1. President fires off seven or eight idiot tweets containing nine or ten wild accusations and at least one spelling error.
2. Politico, the Daily Beast, the Times, the Post, and Vanity Fair all publish detailed accounts of the tweets and how they were accompanied by a temper tantrum.
3. New York magazine publishes an oral history of the tweets.
4. Everyone drinks themselves to sleep.
5. Get up and do it again.