Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

More Out-Of-Context Quotes From Today’s Sean Spicer Press Briefer

  • Melissa McCarthy has been declared an enemy combatant.
  • Bathrobe? Is that an English word? I’ve never heard it before. Is it like a chifferobe? Because, yes, the President does have a chifferobe he needs busting up if anyone wants to make a quick nickel.
  • The report that President Trump called the New York Times “fake news” is itself fake news.
  • I don’t know where this story that staffers can’t find the bathrooms and are shitting in the hallways came from, but it’s not true. I mean, yes: there are one or two turds in the hallways, but we can’t even be sure if they’re human.
  • The thing to remember about former-President Obama is that he’s black, and so whatever you’re asking me about is almost certainly his fault.
  • No, he did not say “Muslim ban.” The President was using an acronym: Making the United States Less Infested, Murder-filled, Bad, And Nasty.”
  • Now, by my mother’s son, and that’s myself,
    It shall be moon, or star, or what I list,
    Evermore crossed and crossed, nothing but crossed!
  • Lots of people wake up before dawn to yell at the teevee news and then go to bed at seven p.m. My grandmother. My grandfather. My other grandmother.
  • Yes, I do feel President Trump is Lincolnesque.
  • The so-called British Parliament are jealous losers and haters.
  • Many of New England’s plays from last night’s Super Bowl were suggested by the President.


  1. Do not bust up the chefferobe! It’s a trap.

  2. I thought the Super Bowl result was fake news.

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