“Dammit, he saw me.”

“Justy, come here and sit with me. Bring your meatloaf. Come sit by me. I’m the best president here.”


“Were you trying to blend into the drapes? People keep doing that to me. Tell me I’m not under investigation.”

“Not in Canada, I don’t think.”

“Everyone heard Justy! I’m innocent of everything!”

“Even if I had the authority to say that, I didn’t say that.”

“You met Macaroni yet? Almost as handsome as we are, but not as tall.”


“According to the Electoral College, I am the handsomest president since Kennedy. Many people say more handsome than Kennedy, but I haven’t been shot. I like presidents that don’t get shot.”

“Are you okay?”

“I know that guy. The Chinaman. Hey, Xi! Xi! You eating the meatloaf?”


“Great , great, yes. You and me have to make some great deals, we sit down, you and me, very quickly this deal is gonna get done. All the people are gonna be happy. American, Chinese, and it’s gonna something that many people are very excited about.”


“Did you say ‘Sit on the table and humiliate my ancestors?'”


“Great, okay, we’ll get a deal going, wonderful. Justy, tell me about the meatloaf. Is it wonderful?”

“I suppose. It’s meatloaf.”

“You cant get that in stores. Maybe I should sell it. Justy, could I pass a law saying that people had to buy Trumploaf?”

“You’ve already named it?”

“And trademarked it.”

“In all markets including Russia.”

“GUY LEFLEUR! Where did you two come from?”

“My sons Eric and the one I hate are always with me.”



“Did they just turn into bats and fly away?”

“Yeah, they do that. The best bats you’ve ever seen. Hey, Vladimir!”

“Vhat did you call me?”

“President Putin! President Putin. Sorry, sorry, President Putin.”

“Da. Vhat you vant?”

“As you know because of your great intelligence and cunning, many disgusting people in my country have been on lying witch hunts accusing you of terrible, horrible things that are not true.”

“Really? I had not heard.”

“Oh, yeah. Awful things. They say you meddled in the election, and I tell them: no meddle, no meddle.”

“You repeat.”

“You have to with these journalists. Very dumb and very fake. They make things up, and they are getting in the way of me making America great again. Dumb, dumb people. You know anybody just so dumb that they don’t understand reality?”

“Da. I know man this dumb.”

“Okay, so let’s get this out of the way. In front of all these presidents who are not as beloved as you and me, I’m gonna ask you a question.”


“Did you interfere in our election?”




“Pinky swear?”

“I do nyet know vhat pinky svear is.”

“That’s good enough for me. I mean, did you all hear him? Very, very truthful man, and I know a little about the truth because I have never lied. There have been times when it hurt me to tell the truth, but I did because of my character, which is very great. Hey, Xi! Did you hear him?”


“Great, great, the best.”