Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

More Scott Pruitt Demands

  • Big bag of money in a sack delivered bi-weekly to his office. (Sack MUST have a dollar sign printed on side.)
  • Sniper riding the roof of the car shooting out traffic lights as to get to Chipotle quicker.
  • The P in EPA? That shit stands for Pruitt now, muchachos.
  • Intern with the sole task of finding out how the Muppets rode bicycles in the first Muppet movie.
  • Get Ludacris to stop by and spit some truth for the fools, maybe over lunch.
  •  Bulletproof secretaries.
  • 30 or 40 more desks, and the biggest ones you can find.
  • When Scott Pruitt becomes weary, Scott Pruitt will enter the nearest private home and be billeted there.
  • Rental (or possibly co-ownership) of the Starship, the plane that Led Zeppelin used to fly around in.
  • Goons all dressed in matching outfits like on Batman.
  • Make Condoleeza Rice respond to my dick pics.
  • Find out if there’s anything better than the Four Seasons, like a Five or even Six Seasons Hotel, then book an entire floor.
  • Tanning bed (for security purposes).
  • All flights including domestic short-hops will be booked on Qantas.
  • Four well-bred Lipizzaner stallions.
  • Hay for the horses.
  • I suppose I’ll need a stable, too.
  • Turn one of the cafeterias into a stable for my fine steeds, for I am Scott Pruitt, the Secretary of the EPA, and my will is divine!
  • Not the cafeteria where the hot Dominican cashier works, though.
  • The other one.
  • Next intern that looks me in the eye is getting shanked.
  • One of you shitstains better get me a Wonder Woman outfit pronto.
  • Scott Pruitt will also require a shopping spree and someone to draw him a bubble bath.

Seriously, read this bullshit. 

1 Comment

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    April 13, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    piloted by Vinnie Barbarino
    Arnold Horshak your 1st steward

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