Trump gives the key to the Bronx Zoo to Kim Jong-un; all the animals get stolen.
“At no time did the president give Kim Jong-un a ride to the zoo, nor did he purchase any snacks for Kim.”
Trump tweets out the nuclear codes.
“What the president did was allowed by law, and never were the locations of every single bomb tweeted out.”
Trump sees a little girl throwing flowers into the Potomac, throws her in, she drowns.
“What needs to be paramount in everyone’s mind is that the president did not hold the little girl’s head underwater. The tossing of the girl and her drowning are two separate events that have a correlative, not causative, relationship.”
Trump lets Auric Goldfinger into Fort Knox.
“What’s to be understood is that Mr. Goldfinger was not given the access codes to Fort Knox, and therefore he is unable to get back in.”
Trump burns down an orphanage.
“C’mon, they were just orphans.”